


Spider's Web

by MissMar-vell (spyder_grrrl)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Attempted Sexual Assault, Canon-Typical Violence, Drama & Romance, Dubious Consent, F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, Identity Porn, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Multi, Other, Sexual Assault, So I wanted to make a Black Widow, and chose Iruka, and sexuality should be empowering, author's attempt at writing humor, author's attempt at writing seduction, because I'm also gay trash, but in Naruto verse, doesn't really effect the story one way or the other, no beta we die like men, not all strength is physical, others to be added as they're mentioned, sometimes i drink and/or get high and try writing shit, unreqited Itachi/Kisame if you squint
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2019-12-18 03:32:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18241523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spyder_grrrl/pseuds/MissMar-vell
Summary: Iruka lived by a simple philosophy, if he was any good at his job no one would know how good he was, so it was fortunate that he was quite exceptional at what he did. Not everyone could be an S-class missing nin or have a “flee on sight” warning in a Bingo Book. In fact as far as he was concerned, it was the sloppy ones whose names and techniques were remembered.Iruka wasn’t remarkably skilled by conventional measures...What Iruka did have was a unique skill set that was valuable enough to be of use to Konoha from time to time. Enough to earn him a white mask painted black with eight arched legs, a cluster of eyes, and a red hourglass.





	1. I've Been Waiting - Lil Peep & ILoveMakonnen feat. Fall Out Boy

**_It's hard to miss you_ **

**_When you are always on the tip of my tongue, now_ **

**_I feel like I'm looking for somethin'_ **

**_Somethin' that'll never come_ **

 

****************************************************************************************************

 

Iruka lived by a simple philosophy, if he was any good at his job no one would know how good he was, so it was fortunate that he was quite exceptional at what he did. Not everyone could be an S-class missing nin or have a “flee on sight” warning in a Bingo Book. In fact as far as he was concerned, it was the sloppy ones whose names and techniques were remembered.

Iruka wasn’t remarkably skilled by conventional measures. He was not that much stronger than your average shinobi, he didn’t have a vast knowledge in ninjutsu, or an unlimited well of chakra reserves to draw on, his chakra control was just slightly above normal and below exceptional. He was sure if he took the time and found a good enough teacher he could be a decent medic-nin, if he wanted to be, but he much prefered teaching at the academy.

 What Iruka did have was a unique skill set that was valuable enough to be of use to Konoha from time to time. Enough to earn him a white mask painted with eight arched legs, a cluster of eyes, and a red hourglass. Along with the mask came the moniker Kuroi Mibōjin, which yes was ridiculous, but it wasn’t like you picked your own name. Besides, the only people who knew that the Black Widow was a chunin ranked academy teacher, were  Anko, Ibiki, and Tsunade. His official name was simply Spider, but after Anko had added the touch of red to his mask and taken to calling him Kuroi Mibōjin it had stuck, mostly because both Ibiki and Tsunade had found it hilarious.

Moreover, the name fit despite it’s gendered implications, which was fine with him. Hound hunted. Cat liked trees. Black Widow killed their mark during seduction and subterfuge missions. If people assumed Black Widow was a kunoichi, it only provided an additional layer of security for his real identity.

Iruka was only sparingly called on for missions as his ANBU counterpart which was one of the reasons why he did not have the tattoo that the regular forces had. He had other ways of being summoned, which was why he was surprised but happy to see Anko walk into his classroom while he was busy grading papers after school one Friday at the Academy.

“Iruka-koi” she sang sweetly, the saccharine inflection frightening only due to who it was speaking, “I brought a peace offering.” she concludes holding a half eaten skewer of dango.

“Which means you have bad news.” He sighs capping his pen and setting his grading aside. He grabs the half eaten offered sweet and takes a bite, knowing Anko ate her own already on the way over in addition to half of his ‘peace offering’.

“Tsunade-sama wants to see your deadlier half as soon as possible.”

He stares out the window of his classroom. It’s evening by now, his students all home safe with their families. It was the start of the weekend, with any luck he might be back by Monday and his mission wouldn’t interrupt his lesson plans. He could hope so at least, usually when he was called on his missions took longer than most to complete.  He was pulled out of his thoughts by the pressure of Anko’s gaze.

“Any idea what it’s for?”

"If she’s asking for you, nothing good.”

“I figured.” He stands stretching, his back slightly aching from sitting at his desk so long.

“It’s been what six months since you had a field mission?” Anko asks.

“Five months and two weeks.”

“Will you be ok?”

Iruka waves off and dismisses her worry as he walks out the classroom and makes his way towards his apartment. He won’t bother with the body flicker technique until he’s in uniform with his mask. It would be out of character to be in a rush home. His mind wanders just for a second to a masked acquaintance who would agree with his slowed pace and subsequent tardiness it would create and he allows himself to smile.

Anko remains silent, which is worrying enough, and he knows she wants verbal confirmation, “I always come back.” He finally says.

“That’s not what I asked.”

Just like that Iruka knows without asking that he will not get cleared for this mission without Anko’s approval. She would never say it outright, but it’s part of the reason they became friends and she knew his ANBU identity. Anko wasn’t a shrink, but her association with T&I could not be dismissed, and even as friends they both knew they were always first shinobi and bound by duty.

She was his safety check. It granted her some allowance with any redacted and confidential information regarding his missions so long as it didn’t jeopardize his performance. It also meant if she began to doubt he was mentally capable of handling the strain of his job she would be the first to let the Hokage know to bench him. He was not a part of a team, he did not have a captainto report to. His orders came directly from the Hokage and his mission reports were delivered directly to her. He assumed there were a few others just like him, that only did solo ANBU missions, but he didn’t know who they were and he wanted to keep it that way.  

Iruka keeps quite till they reach his place, he doesn’t want to talk about this in the open, so he occupies his mouth with eating his dango.

“Yo!” A voice pops up suddenly much like the man himself, the instant smile on Iruka’s face his appearance sparks does not go missed by Anko.

Kakashi is flanked by a brunette Iruka only recognizes from seeing a few times while working the mission desk. It’s unusual for Iruka not to know someone, for as long as he’s worked the mission desk he’s familiar with most faces. That could mean several things, but considering who he’s walking next to he takes a guess: ANBU.

He shoots a side glance at Anko, a question in his eyes. Just because he’s never worked with a team before doesn’t mean he won’t if ordered to. To his relief she shakes her head no to his nonverbal question.

“Good evening Kakashi-san.” he returns the other’s greeting with a quick wave.

Over the years they’d developed a rapport, Iruka often finding himself sharing more then he intended when talking to the jonin. They’re more than acquaintances, but not exactly friends. Recently Kakashi had taken to teasing him at the mission desk, testing just how much he could get away with when turning in reports. Iruka likened it to pulling someone's pig tails for attention. They were both each other’s closest link to Naruto who had been gone almost two and half years now. It wouldn’t be the first time mutual loneliness had made him a friend.  

“Maa, so formal sensei.” Kakashi says as his shoulders slack and he sinks into a familiar stance of disinterest, hands in his pockets. Iruka knows better, at least now he does after taking the time to get to know the man better.

The Brunette beside Kakashi huffs in annoyance at being forced to watch the song and dance his friend is performing, Iruka just assumes he’s not used to working with or being around lower ranked ninja.

Iruka leans forward towards Kakashi teasing in turn, “I could say the same about you. No Icha Icha in sight! To what do I owe the honor.”

Feeling bold, Iruka uses the excuse of looking for the aforementioned book to slowly gaze at the one eyed man and give him a once over, not bothering to hide his intention, the trick is to make it seem like they’re so attractive you can’t help but leer it makes it more of a compliment then sleazy. Iruka is nice enough to ignore the slight blush peeking up from Kakashi’s mask or the way his fingers twitch as if the mere mention of the book made him want to grab the piece of literature as a shield.

Anko lets out a contemplative hum as she reaches for the last bite of Iruka’s Dango using the empty skewer to poke him, “Down boy.”

Iruka rolls his eyes, the only person unamused by the encounter the surly Brunette who continues to stand at Kakashi’s side, arms crossed.

“We just got back from the Hokage’s office, she had news from Jairiya that he’d be returning within the next few months.” Says The Brunette™, who Iruka has taken to calling so in his mind for lack of an introduction.

Iruka feels the heated glare from the other before he meets his eyes and is taken by surprise at their intensity. They are a burning black void offering a warning and he almost loses himself momentarily to the abyss.

Iruka was wrong. It was not that The Brunette™ didn’t like mingling with lower ranked shinobi, but that he felt threatened. He smirks uncharacteristically, unaware of how it surprises the other interprets the unspoken dare.

Laughing to hide his discomfort, Iruka, aware of the scrutiny he was now under decides to speak up, “Ah, Thank you Brunette-san!”

He purposely refuses to address the jonin by rank, both in slight defiance and to try and keep an air of informality. The look he receives in return is meant to startle him he’s sure, but there was something about the heat of his gaze that smouldered a small fire in the pit of his core instead of making him snap at attention.

It has to be due to the fact that he’d just received notice of a mission from Anko and was on his way to prepare and meet with the Hokage. Was his personality bleeding through? He never really thought of his identity behind his ANBU mask as separate from himself, more of an extension of the Iruka he presented to the rest of the world. Not for the first time he forced his thoughts on the matter to the back of his mind to contemplate later, when he didn’t have Ms.Torture and Interrogation standing next to him assessing his every move and word.   

“Maa~ I just wanted to let you know Naruto should be coming home soon, I thought you might want to know.” Kakashi says bringing both of them back to the present, his exposed eye closed and mirroring the grin on Iruka’s face at the news. If Kakashi ignores the tension in the air, it doesn’t exist.

Iruka realizes that they must have been on the way to the Academy and met him and Anko halfway. It’s a knee jerk reaction to hug Kakashi, caught up in the excitement of the news that his favorite former student, and in all but blood younger brother’s imminent return, but Iruka manages to stop himself just in time and manages to only look like a fidgety fool as he quickly throws his arms, that had been reaching for the Kakashi, behind his back

It’s Iruka’s turn to laugh awkwardly now but he still manages to be purposeful with his wording, “Always nice to know when someone’s been thinking of you! This is the best news I’ve heard in awhile.”

Kakashi is about to reply when he’s interrupted by Anko, “Yes, yes. Heart eyes all around. Let’s go Iruka.”  She says dragging him by the arm, “Sorry fellas we got a prior engagement.”

Iruka waves goodbye allowing his friend to drag him a short distance before just following along, they aren’t far from his apartment and as soon as they’re inside Anko pushes him against the door.

“What the fuck was that?!”

Iruka ducks under her arms making his way to his room for his gear. “An exchange of pleasantries between friends. What were we discussing before that? Something about my mental facilities”

“The hell it was, and don’t you go changing the subject on me of all people.” She follows after him unconcerned with giving him privacy as he changed.

“It’s nothing. It’s just a game. We’ve been doing this back and forth thing for a while.”

“How long is a while, where is this going? I can’t decide if you’ve got guts flirting with someone like him or you’re just that stupid. You know his record.”

“Daringly stupid that’s me.” he monotones as he snaps his Anbu vest and armor on, “It’s not like it’s going anywhere. I didn’t realize he was already with someone.”

“WHAT!” Anko’s shout almost causes him to drop the cloak he’d been reaching for.

“Yeah, The Brunette™ he was with. They’re a thing aren’t they?”

“Kakashi and Yamato?” she laughs falling of his bed in her fit. “They’ve known each other for forever, if they were together people would know.”

Iruka is too busy checking his provisions and weapon stores to bother with a reply.

“I mean I guess people have been seeing them together a lot more lately, but we were all taking bets on it being Yamato thinking of leaving ANBU.” Anko continues on perplexed, as if trying to solve some riddle, ‘them’ being everyone else in ANBU or on the need to know list.

“You never leave ANBU.” Iruka replies back reflexivity as Anko loses herself in thought, the only sign that she’d heard his retort was the way she rolled her eyes.

“They’ve always been together though, I mean for a while I’m pretty sure they were the only friends each other had, at least according to Genma.”

Iruka gives her a look as he grabs his mask and makes his way towards his bedroom window. “Only proving my point. If they aren’t together they’re at least fucking.” he says dispassionately as if listing one of many observations on a mission report.

“I know he was a little standoffish but that’s just how Yamato is. I think you’re just getting mixed signals.” Anko concluded finally coming to a conclusion she could stand behind.

Iruka places the mask on his face arms crossed. “Whatever, not important right now. They aren’t together then. I’ll make sure to properly proposition Kakashi when I get back. Am I cleared for duty?”

Anko takes a moment to take in the transformation before her. Even though she observed it, and has seen Iruka in his ANBU uniform multiple times it still took her by surprise sometimes.

While before his presence would have been easily dismissable, the masked man in front of her demands attention. It’s non threatening, but the confidence and calmness coming from him in waves would easily draw anyone into his web. He stands tall, the one hand on his waist the only sign of his impatience.

She gets it, how he tricks people to trust him and confide in him before he kills them. As himself he’s inviting and easy to talk to, like any good friend should be. He feels safe and comfortable, but she knows how he twists that to his advantage. There’s something dangerous about him that is carried through in spite of and not because of the ANBU uniform, it makes him more alluring than it raises any suspicion to be careful.She’d always been one for more forceful means of extracting information from targets, but she can’t complain about his methods given the success rate he has.

She doesn’t know how he switches between the two personalities so easily, she’d never been able to, her skills were elsewhere. Compartmentalizing like any good shinobi should she chooses to focus on the observations and interactions they’ve had in the past thirty minutes. He has a lesson plan he’s working on and guy he wants to come back to see. He’s no flight risk and he’s not having his personalities leak into each other.  

“I would have stopped you by now if you weren’t” she says pushing him out the window with no warning. It’s worth it to see his eyes widen in surprise.

 _‘I’ve still got it.’_ She thinks watching Iruka disappear and flicker into being a few buildings down jumping from rooftop to rooftop towards the Hokage tower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Inside the Hokage tower Iruka stands at attention listening intently as Tsunade-sama briefs him on the mission details.

“The request came directly from one of the daimyo’s wives with specific instructions not to let her husband find out what’s going on.”

“The usual?” Iruka questions eyebrow raised, assuming somed jilted lover is involved somehow.

“No quite.” Tsunade continues, “Someone close to the daimyo's daughter has abused their power and influence on the girl. Her mother wants you to make a warning of him for others, as discreetly as possible of course.”

She doesn’t need to elaborate, Iruka can get a handle on the jist of what’s happened, be it an assault or rape, he’s familiar with the pattern of how the privileged deal with such incidents. His grasp on the mission scroll that contains the details hardens. If moraly he can get behind the use of his abilities it only makes the mission easier, but he’s done things in the past for a mission he disagreed with. He just prefers not to.

“That’s not all though,” Tsunade continues, “There’s been gossip of abuse among a brothel in the capitol. I’d like you to look into it, if you have the time. It’s continuation while a nuisance for the village’s underground is not a part of your official mission. I don’t want the situation handled, I just need a report on the extent of the issue and if it’s cause for concern. You have one month to complete everything. Quicker if you can.”

Iruka takes his second command as tacit approval to do what he’s best at. She didn’t want things handled in an official capacity, but she knew he’d handle things regardless.  It’s not something that’d get him recorded in a Bingo Book, or gain him a reputation among any ninja population. He doesn’t make a profit from it and in fact won’t even receive any mission pay for it. He doesn’t personally know those he aids, and probably will never see the people he has helped ever again.

There is no glory in helping those society shuns, but to him that just proves there is no greater community at risk.

Sex workers, orphans, immigrants that get stuck in indentured servitude; in order for those at the top to stay in power and those in the middle to feel secure there is always the lowest rung on the ladder that never see justice. He is not a vigilante, he just refuses to stand on the sidelines while others are in need and he can help.

These little side missions he takes are the only thing that keep him sane when he’s away from home for any extended amount of time.

He bows his head, “Understood Hokage-sama”

 

************************************************************************************************

 

**_Break my heart but don't tell me I'm not doin' fine_ **

**_'Cause I'm doin' fine_ **

**_Let me go, I'm spendin' time_ **

**_Not doin' fine but I'm doin' fine_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh..If anyone's actually interested in this story beside me I should have a second chapter up by this weekend.


	2. Promises - Calvin Harris and Sam Smith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka's finally home from his mission and has a few days respite before he's due back at the Academy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, please accept this extra long chapter as an apology.

**_Are you drunk enough? / Not to judge what I'm doin’_ **

**_Are you high enough? / To excuse that I'm ruined / 'Cause I’m ruined_ **

**_Is it late enough?/ For you to come and stay over_ **

**_'Cause we're free to love / So tease me, hmmm_ **

 

**_************************************************************************_ **

 

Iruka ran through the trees as quickly as he could, eager to get home and rest and recover from what he had seen and done. It wasn’t the most difficult mission he’d ever had, but it had been emotionally draining. Between becoming the unofficial victim advocate for Momiji-hime the Daimyo's daughter, navigating court life, avoiding the 12 Guardians, and moonlighting as a prostitute to infiltrate and get rid of what unfortunately had all the markings of the beginnings of a small sex trafficking ring, he’d had more than his share of adventure for a while.

He tried to focus on where he was when he last left Konoha so he could begin to shift his way of thinking and slip into his natural persona and out of his mask. He was not in the Daimyo's court anymore, pretending to be a distant relative of his wife in order to provide lessons to her daughter and act as some makeshift dual guard and bait. He was not constantly getting pawed at and encouraging the advances of a known rapist. Not anymore.

He swore if he had to wear a woman’s kimono to seduce anyone ever again it would be too soon. Once you knew what checked someone’s boxes, most men were fairly easy to get to do what you wanted. It helped that his crossdressing was merely thought of as an eccentric trait, one he made fit into his contrived bohemian backstory. The Daimyo’s wife and concubines had found it cute if anything. He cringed at the memory. He had never been treated more like a doll in his life, which was saying something considering his mission record.

Iruka counted it a small blessing that at least while working the flower district of the capital he’d been able to use a genjutsu to avoid the actual sex. He wasn’t always able to, depending on the circumstance, but he wasn’t about to make his job more difficult  than it had to be. He’d had to use a henge for his night time proclivities anyway, so while it may have been an additional excessive chakra drain, he wasn’t exactly in enemy territory or worried about daily combat. It also had the added benefit of making him appear exhausted after servicing someone, which  just made his story easier to believe.

He wished he’d had more time to investigate, he’d planted the seed in a Madam’s head to push for a women’s health clinic near the district. She had the clout to get it done. He just hoped it actually came to fruition. He only had so much time to work with and his main objective for being in the capital was taking the fall for Momiji-hime.

Based on the mission’s parameters, the way it worked out in the end, he’d been the one to claim rape and publicly shame the man before making the rapist an eunuch in self-defense as his target had attempted to assault him a second time while awaiting trial. He would have killed him if not for the mercy Momiji-sama had granted. She was a good kid, spoiled and with a distorted view of the world due to her privilege, but with a good heart. Her mother had been the one to issue the execution in the end, claiming a slight towards her “family” was unforgivable, his patron wanting to play the hero. He didn’t blame Momiji-hime or her mother for wanting to protect each other from the stigmas of being a victim of rape, especially considering their public life, but it had also made his job more difficult.

He had tried to be the support Momiji-hime needed during his stay, helping her sort through her PTSD and realize it wasn’t her fault, but again, he only had a month. She’d have to find the strength to get through the rest of it on her own and seek out the support system she’d need as her presence and power in her father’s court increased and she came of age. He knew that while her mother loved her, she’d have to in order to pay for and request Iruka’s mission, her method of ignoring and pretending her daughter was never raped was not healthy for either of them.

 _“Don’t ignore it! Say it out loud! I was raped!”_ A voice in his head yelled causing him to trip on a branch and stumble to the forest ground. Why did his conscious always sound suspiciously like Anko? What did it say about him that the voice he chose to give his conscious was Anko?

A quick flicker of leaves was all the warning he received before the hand of another cloaked masked man extended his way. Iruka blushed in embarrassment staring up at the Cat masked ANBU, accepting the offered help with a sigh.

“So you’re the one who's been following me Cat-san?”

“Just coming home from the same direction. You aren’t injured are you?”

“No just,” he pauses wondering if he should share but if anyone would understand it’d be a fellow ANBU, “just trying to get back in the right head space for being home and getting a little lost in my own thoughts.”

Cat nods in understanding, he’s not too familiar with the experience himself, always the same person with our without the mask,  but there are a couple members of his ANBU team that have families and he’s seen them struggle with going home immediately upon return after a difficult mission. He wonders if the Black Widow has someone waiting at home for him.

“You know there are bets going on as to whether you’re real or not?” Cat says not expecting a reply as he helps the other up and they continue on together towards Konoha, both ignoring they may have been on missions in the same place if they’re approaching the village from the same direction at the same time. “Pretty sure everyone thinks you’re a kunoichi.”

Iruka almost trips a second time hearing the smirk in the last statement even if he hadn’t been able to see it.  He stops running, instead releasing as much killing intent as he can muster, it takes a second for Cat to realize Spider is no longer following him, but when he does and turns around to witness the ANBU equivalent of a toddler throwing a temper tantrum, he laughs.

Spider does not pout, but it’s a near thing. “If anyone, outside of those who need to know, has any idea I exist within ANBU, I must be getting sloppy.”

“You’re making a name for yourself outside of normal circles. That type of thing catches up with you eventually. Funny story, did you know someone’s spread graffiti in the flower district of the capital? Red hourglass on every brothel and tea house of questionable repute. When I asked someone about it they said it meant the workers of the establishments were under someone’s protection but wouldn’t elaborate.”

Iruka knows better than to deny anything so he decides to play coy closing the distance between them slowly. It should be impossible to appear seductive under an oversized black cloak and behind a white mask, but it’s not Cat thinks staring at Spider. Hip jutted to the side to give the barest shadow of a silhouette he wants to see more of, Cat realizes Spider is teasing him.

Iruka runs his fingers along the seams of Cat’s cloak, the push enough to expose the armor under and more importantly the bloody kunai hanging loose from the others utility pouch signaling one of two things to Spider, that Cat had been on an assassination mission, or he ran into trouble on the way home. “I have no idea what you’re talking about Cat-san.”

“I’m sure.” Cat replies, grabbing the others hand in his own and away from it’s exploration of his body.  Spider lets out a chime of laughter, drawing his hand behind his back like a child caught playing with something they shouldn’t.

“Eto...let’s make a game of it Cat-san!” Spider says before taking off, “If you catch me before we get home I’ll give you a prize!”

Cat stares off at the other as they take off into the distance. All ANBU, and most jonin for that matter, have their quirks. He wonders if Spider’s childishness is his, either way he’s not one to turn down a friendly challenge, especially one with the promise of a reward. It only takes a second after Spider’s departure for Cat to make chase.

Spider is fast, he can only assume someone like him has received special training in escaping capture, and speed would be the quickest and easiest way. The pace Spider sets is harsh, but not something Cat is unfamiliar with having worked with, he’s been on his fair share of missions with hunter-nin whose job it is to to be faster than those they’re chasing. He doesn’t think he’ll make it, but Spider must be tired from his journey home and is running low on stamina. Cat ponces as the gate to the village comes into view, catching the other in his arms.

“You win!” Spider says as if congratulating a pre-genin who’s finally mastered something in class. It’s only then Cat realizes Spider had let himself be caught, and before Yamato can begin wondering on why Spider is tipping his mask askew, still covering most his face. Yamato gets a brief glimpse at supple lips before they’re on the pulse point of his neck giving the gentlest of kisses, “Good job.”

The Black Widow waves goodbye the bloody kunai he had taken from Cat’s waist while the other was distracted in his hand. Before any sign of surprise can be expressed by Yamato, Spider disappears in a flurry of leaves. Yamato recognizes the leaving call as the sign that it is, a jab at his own appearance a few minutes earlier. The Black Widow will not forgive him so quickly for being witness to him stumbling.  

No one back at headquarters is going to believe him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Iruka’s report to the Hokage had been brief. He let her know the mission was a success and that he’d managed to thread a few more links in his web to network with. The completion of this mission did not alter much politically or militarily for Konoha, but gaining allies to let him know if anything weird or unusual popped up was worth more to the Hokage then any clout that she’d gain.

Currently he was at the kitchen table in his apartment staring at the pile of work he’d picked up from the academy earlier this morning, trying to concentrate on his work.

“Bullshit.” Anko exclaims kicking in his door, a bag of take out in her hand. “I call bullshit. What the hell do you think you’re even doing working after just getting home?” She is one of the few people who can make a question seem like a threat and still sound concerned.

She slams shut the planner he has open on the table. He’d been going over the revisions made to his lesson plan to figure out where to start off with his class when he went back to the Academy in two days. He had a stack of papers that needed to be graded, his student’s homework having accumulated in his absence. He felt like he’d been staring at the same spot on his desk for hours not really doing anything, his mind still a bit foggy. He knew why, and he was fine, but he was finding it hard to articulate his emotions on his own so he let himself slip into a new mask as he turned to Anko who was making herself at home in his living room.

“I don’t know which missions are worse. The ones where I say stop knowing they won’t, or the ones where I want to say stop but know I can’t.” He slumps into himself crying heavy sobs with no warning, and it scares Anko more than she cares to admit. Iruka was the best at what he did, she never expected him to break despite always being on the lookout for it.

She freezes setting the food down on the coffee table, his dining room table covered as it is in various papers.  Iruka’s come back from missions worse for wear before, but never quite like this. The trauma he faces is different from other members of ANBU but that doesn’t make it any less debilitating.

Most kunoichi who go on similar missions face the risk of lashing out at themselves as opposed to their friends or family like the regular forces. You never have to worry about the ones who regularly go undercover to attack you while you’re sleeping next to them because they’re startled, you have to worry about them deciding to kill themselves if left alone in a bad head space.

She approaches Iruka like a frightened animal, careful to broadcast all her movements placing a supportive hand on his shoulder as she crouched down below his eye level to appear less threatening. “Hey ‘Ru, I want to help you but you gotta tell me what’s going on in that crazy mind of yours.”

He tries to keep crying, but seeing the genuine real concern on Anko’s face he stops the water works and smiles down at her, “Sorry, I didn’t think it’d work that well. Was I believable though? I’m working on my damsel in distress-”

Anko tackles him knocking him out of his chair and starts railing into him throwing punch after punch into his chest. Iruka just keeps laughing taking the abuse.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! It’s just you’re always so on edge with me after missions and honestly it just makes it harder on me.”

Anko flips him off huffing over to his sofa, “You Bitch! Here I am all concerned over you and your just playing with me. This is worse than that one time you had me going thinking I was actually going to get to sleep with you.” She opens the take out bag and grabs a pair of chopsticks, “And don’t lie, you love my company. Can’t get enough of me. Now come eat your ramen before it gets cold.”

Despite toying with Anko, she still hugs him as he settles on the couch next to her and they begin eating.  Anko fills him in on what’s happened in town since he left. When the food is gone and all they’re left with is each others company they end up cuddling together under a blanket for a while just enjoying each others presence. He doesn’t ask why she always comes to him after missions because he knows she’s already figured him out. All his lies and covers are based on some truth, otherwise they wouldn’t be believable. He also knows that she’ll understand, if he’s practicing playing the role of a victim, it’s because on some level a part of him feels like he’s not in control.

Anko had prepared for this. It was usually some variation of the same every time Iruka came back. He had a good heart, not made of gold but titanium. It had been battered and stomped  on throughout his career as a shinobi, a career she honestly thought had started much to young; but that was the nature of his position.

Most ANBU when they retired also retired their mask, but Spider had been a moniker passed down from sensei to student since the village’s founding. Iruka had been chosen at young age by the Saratoubi clan, guardians of the then retired Spider in search of a pupil to take on her position. The spot had been vacant for almost twenty years before being filled by Iruka, and they had suffered for it during the Third Shinobi War. After the Kyuubi attack and death of the Fourth Hokage it was no longer something the council or Third could ignore. Someone would have to take on the mantel.

The last Spider had been the Third's wife, Biwako-sama. She’d gone into retirement after the birth of her first child, it was unplanned and part of the reason both why the Third had waited so long to start a family and why there had been no immediate replacement for the position.  

Biwako-sama had been pressured to pick someone from ANBU who already had some base knowledge of what would be expected of them as Spider, but she had refused, wanting to train her pupil properly from the ground up. After meeting Iruka-kun for the first time at age nine she’d made her choice. He had been a couple years to old as far as Biwako-sama had been concerned, but she had seen something in Iruka-kun that she’d nurtured into the ninja he would become. He’d studied under her till the day of Biwako-sama’s death several years later, and the rest is history. At least according to Iruka’s file. Anko knows there were gaps and holes in his background no shinobi file could cover, but she honestly wasn’t sure if she wanted to know.

She wondered sometimes if Asuma and his siblings knew more about their mother’s career then they let on now that they were older. It would help explain Kurenai’s interest in Iruka if Asuma had let her in on the family secret.

“You know Kurenai was asking about you earlier this week. She was getting a bit worried.”

“She doesn’t even know what to be worried about.”

“She knows that at sixteen a thirteen year old genin was tasked with preparing her for her first long term infiltration mission. Anytime you’re gone too long she worries.”

“She’s going to figure it out.”

“She’s already figured out most of it, but she’s a good ninja so she’s not talking about it to anyone but me and probably Asuma...you should tell her.”

“What good would that do.”

“Having more friends never hurt anyone.”

“Last time I made a friend he literally stabbed me in the back.”

“O my God, you are so dramatic.” Anko screams before attempting to smother him with a pillow.

“I have Kotetsu and Izumo.”

“Ok, true,  but they’re your work husbands. They only know that you get sent out on ‘important’ missions sometimes which is even less than Kurenai.”

“Anko?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

Anko smiles at him. Iruka knows without having to say the words that she understands.

“We should get some alcohol.” Is her only verbal reply and it’s Iruka’s turn to smack his friend with a pillow.

In the end, they do end up getting a couple bottles of sake at a store down the street and spend the rest of the afternoon day drinking into the evening. They’re both content to stay inside for the night until they’re disrupted by a pounding on the door.

Iruka immediately hides under a pile of pillows and blankets before yelling out, already knowing who’s at the door based on their chakra signature, “I’m not home!”

Ignoring her friend, Anko yells for Yagao to enter. The youngest member of the assembled trio proceeds to shake her head at the apparent antics of her training partner.

“I heard you got back earlier today Iruka-kun!” she exclaims poking and prodding at the lump under the blanket. “I came by to get a rematch before you’re bogged down by the brats at the academy.”

Iruka had been training with Yagao in kenjutsu ever since Naruto left. Inspired by his self-appointed younger brother’s desire to get stronger and protect those close to him, Iruka had taken it as a call to arms to do the same. He’s fairly certain she thinks he’s trying for tokubetsu jonin, and after loosing Hayate so suddenly during the chunin exams he knows it’s also a welcome distraction.

“I’m sorry but Iruka is no longer available please leave a message and he’ll get back to you as soon as he’s not afraid of you kicking his ass in a spar just for fun.”

“Are you guys drunk?” Yugao asks in resignation, “You could have at least waited for the sun to set before you started with the alcohol” She didn’t understand how the other two had three years on her, one in charge of prisoners the other small children, and yet she was the most responsible.

“Stop telling us how to live our lives Mom!” Anko screams.

Reaching for the last of the sake bottle Yugao shakes the almost empty jug in sadness before taking the last swill for herself, “You could have at least invited me.”

Iruka finally pops out from the blanket staring at Yugao in surprise, “You want to go out drinking with us!”

Yugao sputters, “I never said that.”

“No, this is a great idea. Let’s go out tonight! Iruka just got back from a mission we need to celebrate.” Anko cuts in.

Yugao considers her options for a minute, but in the end she can’t say no to Iruka’s wide innocent eyes. “Fine, but tomorrow we spar!”

“Deal!” Iruka agrees shooting up from the sofa. “Now where should we go?”

“Taicho’s Place! A couple of guys from work were talking about heading there tonight, and I can introduce Iruka to them!” Anko supplies.

“Isn’t that a speakeasy jonin bar?” Iruka asks.

Yugao’s eyes light up at the idea, “Yamato got back from a mission today too, he’ll probably be around for a drink or two, maybe drag Kakashi along. It’s been a while since I talked to them.” Them of course being the remaining members of her old team.

Iruka does not squeak, he’s above making any sort of noise just from hearing Kakashi’s name, and if he did appear suddenly distressed at the notion of “casually” running into the man he was blaming the alcohol.

Anko pumps her fist in the air in victory, “Yeah! Iruka you can finally get your chance to flirt your way into that scarecrow’s bed.”

“What?” Yugao screams as Iruka collapses face first back into the sofa trying to hide himself from judgment.

It takes only a couple seconds for Yugao to wrangle a pliant Iruka into a hold on the sofa, face to face for the inevitable inquisition. “Tell me everything now.”

Iruka mumbles out some basic reply involving flirting and mission reports not caring to elaborate, his embarrassment only making Anko let out a shriek of horrifying laughter.

“You should have seen them before Iruka left for his mission. They were practically throwing themselves at each other.”

Iruka tries in vain to wrangle himself out of Yugao’s hold, “That is a gross exaggeration.”

“But there was throwing involved?” Yugao asks eyebrow raised in intrigue.

“It’s not nothing, and I think the something there is worth looking into.” Iruka explains, “...even if he maybe is in a relationship with Yamato-san.”

Yugao looks at him like he’s crazy before falling over in laughter.

“It’s not that crazy of an conclusion to draw.” Iruka tries to reason.

“No, you got it wrong,” Yugao says calming down and whipping a tear from her eye. “It would make so much sense if they were.” Anko stares at her in disbelief, “Look, out of the three of us I know the two of them the best, which honestly isn’t saying much, but I mean I could see it.”

“See I told you!” Iruka yells at Anko indignant before he realizes this revelation doesn’t bode well for him, “Ugh, why do I always pick guys I shouldn’t be with.”

“To be clear, that statement rings true even if Kakashi’s available.”  Anko makes sure to clarify.

“Now hold on.” Yugao jumps in before anymore inferences can be made from her statement, “I said I could see it being true, not that I thought it was. I say go for it, even if you fail how he deals with the attempt ought to be hilarious.”

“Now hold on just a minute here, you might think you know Iruka, but once you set him loose on a target he only takes prisoners, who I’m sure he enjoys shackling to his bed.”

Iruka snorts from under the safety of his blanket which he’s bundled under for protection from the oncoming judgmental stare, his face peeking out from a corner. Yugao just points to the blob on the sofa in disbelief, “This Iruka?”

“I’m going to chose not to take offense from either of those statements.”

“Mine was more of a question.” Yugao states.

“Noted.”

Iruka weighs over his options. One one hand he could actually end up going home with the guy he’s been thinking about on and off for months now, on the other he might get rejected. Not that he’s afraid of getting rejected, but it could make things awkward between them for a bit. He remembers Yamato’s harsh gaze while flirting with Kakashi last time, the feeling of dark eyes assessing him like an animal stalking prey, and how the feeling had left him frozen in place; briefly he contemplates a third option, but even he wouldn’t be so lucky...

“Alright let’s do this.” Iruka says confidently, throwing back his blanket cocoon.

“Mission: Get Iruka Laid, is a go!” Anko says extending her hand for a high five, that Yugao completes with a giggle. People who are deadly and regularly beat him up should not be allowed to giggle and he suddenly remembers why he’s kept these two apart from each other for so long.

Jumping up from the sofa Iruka makes his way to his room. “Well if we’re going to a jonin bar I’m changing.”

“Why? Just go in your uniform, everyone else will be.” Yugao says looking down at her own outfit.

“What part of me being a chunin in a jonin bar don’t you get?” Iruka hollers from his bedroom, door open so they could still talk. “I’m sure there might be one or two other chunin there with friends but I’m still going to stand out, and if I’m going to stand out I want to make sure it’s not because of my rank.”

Yugao can’t find fault with the logic and simply nods her head in agreement. In the distance there is a small crash like an avalanche of clothes has fallen on top of someone.

“How do I have so many clothes and yet nothing to wear?”

The girls laugh, “Need some help in there Iruka- _chan?_ ” Anko snarks.

“I swear I will destroy  everything you hold sacred and dear if you call me Iruka-chan ever again…” his mumbling is lost to the depths of his closet.

Waving off Iruka’s threat Anko turns her attention to Yugao who asks, “Should we help?”

“Nah, he’s got this. He’s probably got some angle he’s playing. Last time I tried to help he punched me.”

“That’s only because you tried to dress me up completely in leather and chains like I was going to some BDSM club.” Iruka says popping out of the room in a pair of ebony leggings and a geometric patterned oversized sweater with a wide collar that hangs a little too far to one side exposing his clavicle. The top hangs low to mid-thigh, and his hair that is normally up is mostly down. Just his bangs and a small section near his crown are tied up in a top knot. The boots he’s wearing complete the look, they’re a plain black but the three inch heels add length to his legs.

He looks cute, Yugao can’t help but concede, like a dutiful teacher that spent his day cozy at home grading papers, sipping tea, and not day drinking with his best friend. The clothes match the bashful expression on his face as he smiles at the girls, ready to go. She hasn’t taken the time to gussy up and go out in a while, but she remembers it being fun. She hasn’t had much reason to dress up since Hayate died, always keeping busy with missions. She wonders maybe if she hangs around Iruka more she’ll start going out more.

“I want to protect him for some reason. Is this how a mother feels?” Yugao asks confused.

“Don’t think about it too much, it’s just his super power. Now let’s kick off Mission: Every Dog Has Its Day! Yugao-chan you’re running backup and interference with me.” Anko says linking arms with the other woman as they make their way out the door.

“Ignore her,” Iruka supplies, “It’s what I usually do. Let’s just have fun yeah?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The bouncer isn’t surprised to see Anko when he opens the door. A secret knock apparently the passcode for the day, but he gives Yugao a double take and a nod. Iruka gets a stare down, but he just smiles up at the burly man as Anko and Yugao vouch for him.

Iruka steps into the smokey semi lit room with a skip in his step and a thank you to which the bouncer replies, “They’re gonna eat you alive”. The booming tenor of the bouncer’s laughter draws several people’s attention and focus to the front of the room. Iruka has the decency to be embarrassed, but just waves.

“Iruka!” a feminine voice to the side of the bar exclaims.

“Yuhhi-san!” Iruka returns in greeting walking over to her table where the red-eyed jonin sits in the center of several men. Anko flees to the bar to get them all a bottle of sake to share as Yugao follows her.

“You finally made it back from your mission! I was starting to worry, and none of that Yuhhi-san you know me better than that.”

“Sorry, I just didn’t want to over step. Thank you for your concern though, but it was just a run of the mill C-rank courier mission. Nothing to write home about.” He laughed, aware of everyone’s attention at the table on them.

“Still to send an Academy teacher in the middle of the semester seems a bit much.”

Iruka knows she’s digging for information, but he doesn’t want to answer her, at least not here and now, “Just some sensitive information Tsunade-sama needed handled by someone she trusted and I was the best option at the time. It would have been a bit of a waste of resources to send a jonin on a C-rank. You should come over for tea sometime though and we can catch up, I’ll fill you in on my mission if you’re really that interested.”

Kurenai smiles at the olive branch nodding her head in the affirmative before pulling Asuma closer to her, “Scoot over so Iruka can sit, I want to have someone to talk to while you all play cards.”

Genma’s seated closest to Iruka and let’s our a tut of disapproval as he slides his chair back a bit and slaps a hand on his lap. “No need, I got a chair for Iruka right here.”

Iruka is pretty familiar with Genma having worked more than his fair share of shifts with the joinin at the missions desk, he’s always been friendly and a bit of a tease, so Iruka  decides to give him the benefit of the doubt on his after hours behavior and not punch him in the face, but refuses to let the comment slide.

“You know Genma you’d be really cute if you didn’t talk,” he grabs the deck of cards from his friend’s hands shuffling them like a pro, “or have a face.”

Raido lets out a snort choking on his beer, “He can stay.”

Iruka pulls up a chair and starts handing out cards, “Now what were you playing? Go Fish? Just kidding obviously poker, who doesn’t play poker in a bar. Now someone remind me of the rules.”

The glares of disbelief and annoyance he receives for his comment quickly disappear once Iruka feels the bottom of a ceramic cup on the top of his head and hears Anko’s voice.

“Don’t fall for the doe eyes and don’t trust him! Last time I played strip poker with Iruka he left me in nothing but my skirt.”

Reaching up for the sake cup he takes a sip as Anko places a bottle on the table sitting on his lap and Yugao squeezes in the both next to Kurenai

“You up for a game Anko, I can always go for winning some money off a sucker.” Raido asks to which she laughs.

“You don’t work in T&I and play for money, I want secrets!”

“And apparently clothes, or rather the opportunity to be naked.” Yugao interjects.

“Nudity is a valid interrogation technique!”

“Not untrue.” Iruka concurs causing a few raised eyebrows

“This is why you’re my favorite!” Anko replies as she kisses his cheek refilling his cup even though he’s only taken a few sips. “Now let’s play poker so Iruka can cheat you all out of your earnings!”

“I’d forgotten how much a troublemaker you were.” Asuma shakes his head with a grin, taking a drag of his cigarette.

“Lies and slander.” he defends looking out at them with wide innocent eyes.

“Yeah, you might have been Dad’s favorite but I’m not falling for those eyes ever again.”

“But A-su-maa~” He cries like he’s ten again trying to get the older boys attention.

They’d never been especially close till they got older, Asuma jealous of the attention he stole from his father, and Iruka often teasing him and using him as a test subject for all the tricks he learned from Biwako-sensei.  Asuma had made an easy target, and Biwako-sensei often found his antics with her youngest hilarious. He thinks of all the stories he has to share with Kurenai and suddenly is looking forward to their future tea date.

They play a few rounds, Iruka intentionally losing to make the others underestimate him and also to pick up a few strategic cards that incidentally are easy to hide up the baggy sleeves of his oversized sweater.

It isn’t until 30 minutes later when he’s won five hands in a row that someone says something and it isn’t even anyone playing the game.

“Maa, Sensei. So underhanded, do your students know you cheat?”

Iruka jumps, slightly tipsy and at ease in the jonin bar he hadn’t registered anyone behind him.

Anko gets up from his lap whispering in his ear as she makes her way over to Yugao, ”Operation: A Roll in the Hay is a go!”

Iruka blushes, hoping with all his might no one else had heard or is taking Anko seriously. Genma’s questing stare says the opposite though.

Iruka tilts his head back to glare up at Kakashi and notices Yamato behind him, “I was almost on my way to winning a free drink over here and you just had to ruin my fun!” he pouts, shaking the cards he had snuck out of his sweater sleeves and onto the table. All at once there’s groans of disbelief as everyone throws their hands onto the table. Iruka has the decency to be embarrassed at getting caught.

“Dammit Iruka!” Asuma hollars burying his face in his hand as Kurenai laughs. “I should have known better.”  

“But Ni-san~” Iruka calls out petulantly, knowing Asuma would hate it.

“Fuck no, God. Never call me that again.” Asuma puts out his cigarette on the table, closing his eyes trying to banish the thought as everyone laughs.

Kakashi leans forward resting his elbows on the back of Iruka’s chair as he stares down at the cards on the table, and the money Iruka would have won, had he not been caught. The other’s begin grabbing what they had bet for the last hand, placing it back safely in their pockets and away from Iruka.

“So how does a chunin cheat a bunch of jonin out of their money and not get caught?” Kakashi asks, his words sound appraising and full of approval but it’s the way he says it that sends a shiver down Iruka’s spine. The gray haired jonin’s breath passing from behind his ear and down his neck.

”Asuma was to busy being distracted by Kurenai-chan, Genma was too busy attempting to make me blush by flirting with me to pay attention, Yugao-chan caught on after the second hand I think but just wanted to see how far I could get before I got caught, and Raido is drunk. Honestly, since I was able to get away with cheating a few jonin I’d say I was at least owed a drink.”

Kurenai laughs, sharing a high five with Yagao. “We were gonna corner you later and make you split your winnings with us.”

“Which I would have agreed to at the risk of Yugao taking out her anger on me during our spar tomorrow.” Iruka concedes

“Training new recruits are you Yugao?” Yamato questions arm crossed, “I wasn’t aware you were aiming for a promotion Iruka-sensei.”

Iruka shakes his head in denial, “I’m not, I just decided to take up kenjutsu, Yagao saw me practicing one day and took pity on me.” He says trying to downplay his skill.  

Yugao tosses her sake cup smacking Iruka in the center of his forehead with minimal force as not to actually hurt him but make a point, “I don’t train people in kenjutsu because they’ve decided to pick up a hobby.”

“But saying it’s because I want to become stronger and a better teacher just sounds too earnest!”

“Liar!” Yugao shouts.

“But I’m not!” Iruka pleads, it might not be the whole truth but it wasn’t a lie.

Yugao leaps across the table to grab him, but he dodges by jumping out of his chair and pivoting to hide behind Kakashi.

“Okay, okay, gesh maybe calm down with the sake?” Iruka says peeking out from behind Kakashi’s shoulder. He doesn’t miss the smirk shared between her and Anko. Clearly Yugao was taking her mission parameters of ‘backup and interference’ for the evening more seriously than Iruka thought.

Iruka is prepared to let the topic drop but at the expectant looks he’s getting from the assembled jonin, they’re clearly waiting for his answer. He makes sure not to look at any of them as he says, “Naruto left over two years ago to train and get stronger to better protect his important people. I took it as a call to arms and wanted to make sure I wasn’t left behind.”

Iruka is aware that the heartfelt sentiment was unusual and probably weak in their eyes, many of them trained war veterans, but Yugao’s nod of approval as she steals his seat seems to silence anyone’s doubts on if she thought that made him a worthy enough student in her eyes.

Iruka feels the tug on his arm and looks up at Kakashi who’s smiling at him and Iruka’s okay with anything the others say about him being soft so long as he has Kakashi’s approval. “That sounds like a much better reason then most.” he remarks as he pulls Iruka away from the group, “Come on, I guess I owe you a drink for ratting you out for cheating.”

Anko lets out a holler of approval as she grabs the cards and takes Iruka’s place in a new game.

“So what’ll it be Sensei?” Kakashi asks as they make their way to the bar.

“Ah, just some umeshu would be fine. I think I’ve had enough sake for the night.” He laughs, focusing on the fact that Kakashi has still not let go of his arm. He tries not to dwell on how that makes his heart speed up just a little.

After they have their drinks, instead of heading back to the table with the rest of the group Kakashi leads him to a table near the bar that will seat just the two of them.

“Thank you for the drink Kakashi-san.” Iruka says as he takes a sip of his sweet wine.

“I think we’re close enough now you don’t need to worry about being so polite Sensei.” Kakashi says leveling him with an intentful look.

Iruka manages not to swoon, but it’s a near thing, “Then stop calling me sensei, I don’t think I’ve ever taught you anything. Though I guess I could try if you’re into that sort of thing.”

Iruka almost misses the ghost of light blush peeking under Kakashi’s mask. He hides his smile by sipping his drink, trying to play it cool.

“I didn’t realize Yugao had taken you on as an apprentice.” Kakashi states, not asking a question but somehow still making one known all the same.

“I’m not her apprentice, not really, it’s a lot less formal than that. She needed a distraction, and I needed help. She’s become a good friend. Though I’m beginning to doubt introducing her to Anko was a smart idea. I think they both like ganging up on me a little too much.”

“Unless you’re into that sort of thing?” Kakashi jokes making Iruka laugh.

“Don’t give Anko any ideas.”

“You know, regardless of if you want a promotion or not, if you get too good one will be forced on you.” Kakashi warns. He doesn’t waste time wondering on if someone Yagao trains is worth at least a tokubetsu jonin rank, he knows better.

Iruka knows this, he also knows he doesn’t have to worry about that since he’s already in ANBU, but Kakashi doesn’t know that. “They can’t afford to lose me at the academy.” He says confidently.

Kakashi raises his one visible eyebrow in silent question.

“I’m good at what I do. I have the highest success rate of graduating genin at the academy. I like teaching, so I’ve tried to make myself indispensable there. Also, Tsunade and I have a deal of sorts, she’s promised not to promote me unless I ask or it becomes unavoidable.” It’s not bragging, but it feels a little too much like it.

“I think you’re the only ninja in history to argue against a promotion.” Kakashi teases.

“I know it’s unconventional, and I’m probably breaking a couple rules to do it, but well, it’ll be worth it to keep my students safe. I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if another student of mine was placed in danger when I should have been able to help.”

“Like Naruto.” Kakashi

Iruka nods his heads repeating silently, “Like Naruto."

Kakashi’s hand reaches for his across the table giving it a gentle squeeze. “You know you’re not what I was expecting."

Iruka stares up at Kakashi, seeing something in him he hadn’t before, but before he’s given a chance to contemplate what it could be they’re interrupted.

“Kakashi!” Gai screams dashing over to them from across the bar, “When I heard you were out on such a youthful evening, I could not contain my joy at your apparent retreat from hermitage! I came as soon as I could to challenge you in a competition of youthful spirit!”

Iruka laughs, and only manages to barely smother his second chuckle do to the glare Kakashi sent his way.  

“Well then, I’ll leave you to it.” Iruka says with a wicked grin as he departs, ignoring Kakashi’s silent plea for help. While Iruka does think Kakashi and him might have been on the brink of having a moment he’s not sure what could possibly distract Guy right now, and he’s got his eyes on someone else to keep him company till Kakashi is free from his friend.

Iruka spots Yamato over by the bar definitely not sulking, but definitely expressing characteristics that would be easily interpreted as such by someone willing to point it out so long as they had a death wish. If Kakashi was metaphorically pulling at his pigtails, Yamato was the star student upset the new kid in class was suddenly getting all the attention.

“You know part of me wants to attribute this aggression, passive and not, you have towards me on some form of a weird territorial dispute you think we have with Kakashi.” Iruka states walking up to Yamato.

“Since when has he been just Kakashi?” Yamato’s jaw clenches.

Lifting the now only half full cup of umeshu he was drinking to his face Iruka replies all smile,  “Since he paid for my drink!”

“Senpai never pays for anything. I know he said he would, but I honestly didn’t believe it.” Yamato replies torn between surprise and jealousy.

“Lucky me then I guess.” Iruka sips his wine reveling in the attention. Smacking his lips and savoring the sweet taste he lets out a little sigh leaning in, “If Kakashi really does rarely pay for anything he’s lucky to have such a generous kohai.”  Holding the drink up to Yamato’s lips in a peace offering he says, “We could share?”

The flirting is a little more heavy handed then he’s used to but he doesn’t want to leave any room for the taller man to doubt his intention. He knows from experience that ninja, regardless of gender, over analyze everything. Some even taking it to extreme levels of paranoia, though he supposes the adage, ‘It wasn’t paranoia if they’re really out to get you’  in this case held some truth. Iruka was on the hunt out to get some, but other then a bit of fun he had no ulterior motives.

Paranoia would help explain Yamato’s protectiveness of his Senpai, if they really weren’t together like Yugao and Anko both seemed to believe; and if they really had been friends for forever, Yamato must have seen his share of men and women come and go from Kakashi’s life. Kakashi was fairly famous and as much as he had earned that fame through some negative connections like ‘Friend Killer’ he was still the last head of a prominent clan in Konoha, and a formidable shinobi.

Making up his mind Yamato places his hands over Iruka’s sipping the rest of the offered drink. Iruka doesn’t know what to make of the look he’s receiving but when he feels the beginning of a blush rise he allows it to darken his cheeks instead of willing it away, looking down he breaks eye contact smile softening.

As Iruka moves to place the empty glass of plum wine on the bar he uses it as an excuse to get closer, and his fingers graze Yamato’s side, “You know what I think?” he asks lowering his voice to just above a whisper as if sharing a secret, Yamato falls for the trick lowering his head closer to Iruka’s face to hear. “I think you like taking care of your Senpai.”

The hand that had just grazed Yamato’s side now rests intently on Yamato’s hip, “Do you think you could take care of me?”

The shift in their positions happens so quickly and effortlessly Iruka shudders, wondering what the other man could get his body to do with a simple command or push. Iruka’s back is against the bar, Yamato’s arms trapping him in place. Iruka just stares up into dark stormy eyes like a cat that’s got the cream.

The moment isn’t broken but amplified by the deep sound of laughter as Kakashi makes his way over done with whatever challenge Gai issued, or more likely having escaped his eternal rival’s notice. A quick look across the bar by Iruka reveals that Gai seems to be occupied with an equally energetic Anko. He owes that woman so many favors and all of the drinks.

Kakashi takes a seat at the bar next to them, angled to the side towards Yamato. His elbow rests on the bar, and his head in the palm of his hand, only several inches away from Iruka’s. This close Iruka can see the real, unfiltered, non-forced or faked joy dance across Kakashi’s face for the first time since knowing the man. Iruka makes it a personal mission to get him to do it again, as many times as possible. It’s only a fraction of a second, but it’s as if the weight of all Kakashi’s trauma is lifted from his shoulders and Iruka finds it the most breathtakingly beautiful thing in the world.

“You know what I think Iruka? “ Kakashi says nonchalantly, “I think you just like the attention.”

Deciding not to play it coy this time, he replies honestly, “You’re not wrong. I’m a bit greedy in that respect.”

Iruka rubs his thumb in a circle where it’s attached at Yamato’s side, working the fabric edge loose of the other man’s uniform just a fraction to touch the skin underneath. Yamato growls making the other two question briefly if he’s secretly part Inuzuka. Iruka preens.

Yamato might be the one Iruka’s touching but he makes sure to address only Kakashi. “Do you have a leash for this one?”

Kakashi hums sipping his beer and playing along, “He’s not the kind to be restricted or restrained.”

“We can’t all be into bondage I suppose.”  Iruka replies not missing a beat.

Kakashi laughs again and Iruka takes it as a win.

Yamato finally speaks up, the timber in his voice helping ground Iruka from the high beginning to build in him from anticipation, “What are you after here?”

“I think that’d be fairly obvious.” Kakashi answers for Iruka.

There’s something in the look Kakashi gives Yamato that surprises the other jonin. Iruka doesn’t know the two well enough to interpret the subtle changes in body language between the two and the silent conversation they seem to be having, but Yamato relaxes. His attention on Iruka less guarded and more focused, like he’s truly observing the chunin for the first time.

Iruka recognizes the moment Yamato realizes he’s hitting on him and bops the other on the nose, “There it is.” he says with a laugh and a smile.

It’s at that moment that Anko crashes on the scene like a hurricane ordering a round of drinks for her and the rest from the bartender. The bartender had been ignoring her for the first few moments but is now giving Anko all his attention as she shoves her chest to rest on the bar, her cleavage on full display.

“Hey, I thought you were on a mission tonight to proposition Kakashi? What’s this sidetracked business?” Anko says waving a hand towards Yamato who’s still got him cornered against the bar, not that Iruka minds.

Kakashi coughs choking on a sip of the beer he had just taken.

It’s only at this moment Iruka realizes how wasted his friend is and sighs in defeat, face heating up in embarrassment he hopes Yamato mistakes the darkening of his cheeks a result of the alcohol as he stares up at him behind long lashes.

“I can multi-task.” Is his simple answer, stating the obvious. He turns to Kakashi who’s looking at him in shock, as if not recognizing him but immensely intrigued by the idea of figuring him out.

Realizing this is his moment Iruka asks the both of them, “Think you boys can keep up?”

It takes five minutes for him to get both jonin to his apartment after Yamato throws some cash on the counter paying off their tab.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Any rules or kinks we need to work out before we get started?”

Iruka pauses, surprised by the question. He wants to make it a joke and reply with something about hopefully getting to all their kinks eventually, but he’s never had this question asked of him beforehand. It doesn’t stop the flow of things, and hearing someone ask what he wants does some kind of something for him because the next thing he knows he’s guiding Kakashi’s hands from behind him to rest on his waist.

”I’m pretty vocal about what I like and don’t, my only ground rule is if I say stop it means stop.” He bites his lip carefully choosing his wording but not letting it deter his hands from exploring Yamato’s body in front of him as he rests against Kakashi’s frame. “Stop doesn’t mean let me just finish off real quick first, or let’s take a break and try to convince me to keep going, it means stop.” Iruka’s worried he’s insulted them somehow by the way the two immediately pause.

When you worked in a profession where lines that weren’t meant to be blurred began to disappear, it was nice to come home to a reality where things were black and white, but at the other two ninja’s stillness he begins to doubt himself. He didn’t want to pretend with them, to put on a mask,  but he could, he-

Iruka’s train of thought was immediately broken by the most forceful needy kiss that left him moaning in want. The arms the had been exploring the edges of his silhouette now reached under his sweater and across his abs pulling the garment over his head.

“I think you’ll find as a general rule anything short of enthusiastic consent is not okay with either of us.”

At the end of the day we don’t remember events, not in clear detail at least. We remember moments. How we felt. Who we were with. What they made us feel, and by God does Iruka want to remember and hang on to all the ways they made him feel that night for as long as possible. When he wakes up in the early morning light still surrounded by their warmth he realizes he might want to hang on to them as well. It’s a fantasy he’ll let himself have for a couple more hours at least as he lays in bed and tries to drift back to sleep.

 

**_*****************************************************************_ **

 

**_I make no promises, I can’t do golden rings / But I’ll give  you everything tonight_ **

**_Magic is in the air, there ain’t no science here / So come get your everything tonight_ **

**_Tonight, you’re everything tonight_ **

**_‘Cause I need your green light/ Day and night, say that you’re mine_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took so long to update but I had an irl accidental baby acquisition situation. I'm not maternal at all but if I have to be a Foster Mom god damn I'm gonna make sure I do it as best I can. Updates should be more frequent now, but I can't make any promises on when they'll be.


	3. Like Real People Do - Hozier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are complicated until they aren't, but then reality sets in.

**I had a thought, dear however scary**

**About that night, the bugs and the dirt**

**Why were you digging? What did you bury?**

**Before those hands pulled me from the earth?**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The morning after he wakes up alone in his bed. He doesn’t have any regrets, and if anything is thankful for their silent early departure as it had spared him the awkward morning after routine. Also, Yugao had crashed through his window that following morning in full attack mode yelling at him to get ready and meet her at the particle fields for their spar. While he’s sure potentially walking in on him with Kakashi and Yamato still in bed would have been hilarious for her, he’s grateful not to have lived through it. 

He gets two days of solitude before it begins. Whatever “it” is. 

It’s Kakashi who makes the first move. He surprises Iruka one night when he gets home from the Academy to find the one eyed man lounging on his sofa asking what’s for dinner. Yamato comes by the next evening, but is courteous enough to both knock before entering and bring take out. He gets the both of them for an extended stay over the weekend that they spend lounging around getting to know each other between Iruka’s shifts at the mission desk.

It’s a pattern that continues for several weeks only altering because one of the jonin goes on a mission.

A split leaf palm appears on his coffee table a couple weeks later, which he takes diligent care of. The next time Yamato comes over Iruka shares with pride the new leaf growing on the plant. Yamato finds Iruka’s enthusiasm in caring over the plant he’d gifted on a whim entirely too endearing. Kakashi eventually names the plant Mrs.Ukki. When Iruka questions why the plant isn’t Mr. Ukki, the jonin replies casually from behind his little orange book, that Mr. Ukki lives at his place and needs a friend.

The night Iruka reads to Kakashi from Icha Icha while the jonin tries to relax after a rather difficult mission is also the first night Iruka tops. He takes his time and enjoys watching the normally calm tempered and disaffected jonin slowly come undone and beg. 

It’s not unusual for Iruka to be with Yamato in a compromising position only to spot Kakashi watching them after sneaking in through a window, his gaze hungry but more than willing to stay back and enjoy the show. Iruka didn’t realize how much of an exhibitionist he was till he met these two. 

Sometimes they go out, but Iruka notices that they’re both much more subdued in public and Iruka’s fine with the two crashing at his place so often if they find it a safe place to open up and be themselves. That’s how Iruka’s apartment essentially becomes their homebase. 

Anko drops by for dinner one evening, expectedly unexpected as per usual, and shares a meal with the three of them. There are stories of Iruka’s misadventures as a pre-genin from Anko and lots of sake, by the end of the night his apartment has been unofficially dubbed “Iruka’s Place for Disgruntled and Socially Inept Jonin”. He tries not to blush at the look she gives him when Yamato pushes his hair behind his ear or when Kakashi sneaks in for a kiss between bites, even though he keeps his face covered while they eat and drink with Anko present. 

Kakashi even manages to join Yugao for a training session with Iruka one weekend while Yamato is away. Iruka is hesitant to spar with him, but after some pushing from Yugao he gives it his all. Kakashi is only using taijutsu and a kunai but Iruka feels a certain amount of satisfaction at making the other winded during the exchange of blows. He’s not the only one, when Kakashi asks him how he caught on so fast to using a blade his simple reply is, “I think you’ll find being a good teacher helps make me a good student. Also Yugao is merciless.” 

It’s not like it happens all at once. The changes to his routine are small but constant and he’s happy about most of them or able to find a good enough distraction in Kakashi and Yamato’s attention that he can easily forgive any ground he feels himself losing. It’s easy to fly so long as no one tells you that you aren’t meant to and you don’t look down. 

The rush of endorphins he gets from being with them both leaves him high enough to forgive how Kotetsu and Izumo tease him about his “relationship”. Iruka refuses to call it a relationship, it’s just the three of them doing their own thing and somehow it works.

He’s not completely blind to the danger of the situation, Yamato and Kakashi can never know who he really is, not completely, so he turns a blind eye and doesn’t press them about their own closets full of skeletons. Iruka knows the two jonin appreciate his discretion, how he let’s them keep their secrets. He doesn’t ask about their past mostly because he doesn't want them to ask about his, because he doesn’t want to lie to them. Iruka doesn’t like to think about why that is, only that he needs to avoid a situation where he might need to lie. If he had to choose between his duty to Konoha and either Kakashi or Yamato he’d do what he needed to. It’s what’s holding together the whole illusion of domesticity together, once he lies it’s over, whatever “it” is.    

His ANBU uniform remains safely sealed in a storage scroll in his closet, inconspicuous and unused, which makes it easy to pretend that what he’s doing with the two jonin is normal. The regular coded updates he receives from his contacts throughout the elemental nations are easy enough to hide between the mountain of grading and lesson planning he works on daily. So Iruka pretends, and it’s nice, and he has no worries about anything blissfully ignorant until one weekend he’s doing laundry on his own. 

Both Yamato and Kakashi are gone on a mission at the same time, possibly together, but Iruka knows better than to ask. In their absence Iruka chooses to catch up on some household chores he’s been ignoring, which is how he finds himself staring at a dirty jonin vest in complete fear. 

He’s dressed in his civvies so he shouldn’t be as surprised as he is when he hears a light laugh and a warm comforting voice from across the aisle of the laundromat explain, “You have to pre treat and soak the blood stains to get them out. I had the same reaction the first time I had to do my boyfriend’s laundry too.” 

Iruka stares at the young woman in shock. He knows how to get blood stains out of clothes, having done it himself on numerous occasions, but it’s the act of washing someone else's uniform that leaves him speechless. He’s never been close enough to anyone to have a situation come up where he might have to. 

Iruka laughs and ducks his head playing along, “I’ll have to remember for next time.” 

He doesn’t have the time or the desire to explain his problems to the woman. His hands are shaking and he’s started to tune out everything going on around him. He can hear everything happening but it’s like he’s swimming at the bottom of a lake and it’s all just muffled sound. 

Iruka doesn’t recognize he’s in the middle of a panic attack until he’s staring up at a set of newly appointed chunin and their former sensei that he’s not in control of himself. 

“Iruka-sensei you are not well. Why? Because you did not see us approach and bumped into Hinata.” Shino says as he helps his teammate up from the ground and Kiba grabs Iruka by the shoulder steadying him.

Iruka stares at the scattered laundry from the collision and quickly makes to place it back in the sack he’d taken with him on the trip down the street to wash what he had assumed were only his clothes at the time. 

Kurenai stares after him worried, her gaze concerned. “Iruka what’s wrong?”

“Half of the laundry in this bag is not mine Kurenai.” Iruka explains as if it somehow explains his erratic behavior.

“You’re going to need to be a little more specific on why that bothers you Iruka.” She says trying to hide her grin.

“I have a dresser at home. It has five drawers. I only use four of them.” He expands, having difficulty finding the words caught in his throat. 

This time she does laugh at him unable to hold it together. “Let me guess, you have more then one toothbrush in your apartment too?”

Iruka drops his laundry again in shock and lets out a slightly undignified screech when he realizes she’s right. 

“I’ve been finding dog hair on my furniture.” he says color draining from his face, by now Iruka is familiar enough with Kakashi’s summons, having met them all. Iruka continues falling to his knees, aware of how pathetic he must look to not only his former students but Kurenai as well. 

The three young chunin turn sharply to stare at their former Academy sensei as he loses his composer.  

Kurenai turns towards her only recently made former students and begins issuing commands. “Kiba, Shina, Hinata, go find Anko in T&I. Let here know Iruka isn’t okay and that I’m taking him back to his apartment.” 

The tracking team nods in acceptance before moving forward to find the Special Jounin. Hinata giving her former Academy teacher a squeeze on the shoulder in comfort before handing him the remainder of the escaped laundry and nodding to her sensei. 

Iruka is not aware how he ends up back home, only that it’s all thanks to Kurenai who sets about making herself at home in his own place, that if he was being honest, he wasn’t sure was just his anymore. 

He sits up on his kitchen counter and watches as Kurenai moves about opening cabinets and warming up his kettle to make them both some tea. They sit in silence for a while which is nice, Iruka doesn’t want to talk as lost in his thoughts as he is. It’s a solid five minutes of listening to water boil before he can finally pull himself together. 

“You know when I invited you over for tea this isn’t what I had in mind.”

Kurenai laughs, “Me either, but I’ll take whatever I can get.” 

She hands him a cup of green tea, that he blows on before taking a sip, “Sorry for the hassle or worrying you, I can take care of myself.”  

Kurenai frowns acknowledging that Iruka has given her an out and an excuse to leave if she wants, she won’t. 

“You can take care of yourself.” She repeats eyebrow raised, “That’s the crux of the problem isn’t it?” Kurenai replies sagely. As the only woman in town able to wrangle and coax Asuma into a happy monogamous relationship she’s well versed in men with commitment issues. 

“I didn’t even realize I was in a relationship.” Iruka says voice cracking, “Is this even my apartment or is it ‘our’ apartment. I don’t think I’ve had to sleep by myself the last six weeks even once. One of them is always over.”

Iruka glares at Kurenai after she lets out an “aww” at his predicament. She’s got this look in her eyes as she stares at him like he’s a puppy in a store window. 

“You know I was worried you were brushing me off before with the tea date invitation, but now I can see you were just...distracted.” Kurenai says as she sets her cup on the counter. 

“See, you get it then! I can’t afford to be distracted as nice as this, whatever it is, has been with Kakashi and Yamato, I can’t keep it. I have two lives, and eventually they’ll piece something together and I’ll have to end it before they figure it out or worse…” he pauses contemplating his biggest fear, “eventually they’ll find out what I am and choose to leave.” 

Kurenai let’s out a contemplative hum, “I’d love to keep up with this conversation so any time you want to fill me in on that second life of yours I’m willing to listen and let you know how much of an idiot you’re probably being. Whatever you’ve done Iruka, Kakashi and Yamato are two of the most capable jonin in the village. They’ve done worse. They’ll understand.” 

“I don’t think they will, not completely. Kurenai, do you remember when we first met?”

“Yes, you scared the shit out of me. You were so young and telling _me_ how to seduce someone as a distraction and flirt my way past guards.” 

“Yeah, and you taught me genjutsu so I wouldn’t have to sleep with my mark to get intel unless they were another shinobi.”  Iruka agrees, remembering the encounter fondly in contrast to the worry wrinkles on Kurenai’s forehead. 

“You were 13.” She says voice strained, unable to contemplate anyone using a child that way.

“Yes and thanks to you I was able to keep my virginity till I was 14!”  He says with pride.

“Iruka!” Kurenai gasps reaching out for his hand, “Please tell me it wasn’t for a mission. You were still a genin. The Third shouldn’t have-”

Iruka reaches up placing a finger over her lips and making a shushing noise to silence her. “I haven't ever been a genin, not really. Someone like me the regular ranking system doesn’t account for. I guess I’ve technically been ANBU since before I was a genin, my training to join started well before that at least. I don’t regret it, starting so young. I was able to help take out a few child trafficking rings and murder more then a few pedophiles. It felt nice killing them, almost made up for letting them touch me.” He stares at Kurenai trying to gauge her reaction, how she handles this revelation will help him determinel how much he can reveal to her. He doesn’t want someone to judge him for doing what he does.

 “There was so much touching, I was always everyone’s favorite.” He hears her gasp and watches as she shudders, “The trick is to make yourself seem small and scared but pliant. They don’t trust you if you just go along with what they want, that’s not normal. They want to groom you, make you feel like your earning their trust and they’re the good guy, they’re the one who can save you.” 

“Stop!” Kurenai yells covering her ears, “I don’t want to, I’m not sure I can-”

Iruka swings his legs from his spot on top of the counter. “Anko said I need more friends that know, that limiting who I can talk to about everything to just her isn’t good for either of our mental health, and I know you’ve been asking around, worrying about me when I’m gone too long. I thought it was kind of sweet, and thought I could risk the chance letting you in.” 

Kurenai finishes the rest of her tea like it’s a shot of alcohol before placing the cup on the counter. Iruka is slightly startled but welcomes the hug he receives from her, he knows that receiving physical comfort isn’t that unusual between friends and loved ones, but because of the missions he takes he can appreciate the simple gesture more than most. 

Taking Iruka’s face in her hands she stares at him with fixed determination as she states, “If we’re going to continue this conversation I’m going to need something a little stronger than Oolong.”

Iruka laughs getting an idea, “Wait here!” he says as he scampers off to his bedroom.

Reaching up into his closet he pulls down a storage scroll that’s keyed into his chakra signature. After uttering a quick release his ANBU mask pops up and he grabs it. If he’s going to tell Kurenai his story he’s going to do it correctly. Making his way to his dresser he pulls out an airtight mason jar. Inside is a lighter, a pipe, some rolling paper and about an 1/8th of what he and Anko call, “The Good Kush” ™.

Recreational drug use in a shinobi village was frowned upon enough for him to be an outlier. When your profession required you to be in control of yourself as much as much as being a ninja did smoking cannabis, even prescribed by a doctor or mental health professional, was not a usual outlet for PTSD. Iruka thought this was stupid, as it was significantly safer than getting drunk every weekend at random bars and going home with strangers. He didn’t understand the stigma, but he trusted his friends not to judge. 

Attaching his mask to the side of his head he walks into the living room where Kurenai has made herself at home on the floor by his kotatsu. Holding the jar of weed up in the air like it was the Holy Grail he takes a seat next to her. 

“I don’t know if you’ve ever smoked, but I’ve officially dubbed today self-care day, and that means I get to relax, destress, get high, and not think about how hard I’m falling for two completely unobtainable men.” 

Kurenai’s body language is apprehensive, but she hasn’t asked him not to smoke, and he’s in his own home so he pulls some flower out of the jar with a couple papers and goes about doing his own thing working on rolling a couple of joints. “If you’d prefer I do have a bottle of sake in the kitchen above the fridge, but if we’re going to be talking about this,” he taps the mask on the side of his face, “I don’t want to be sober.” 

Kurenai, thankful for the out, goes about retrieving the bottle of alcohol and by the time she’s back and pouring herself a cup Anko is bursting through the door in a wild furry, frantic and out of breath, “ What’s going on? Why do I got baby chunin running through T&I searching for me to go and see Iruka?”

Sealing the second blunt with a quick lick he holds up the joint for Anko as she finally notices the askew ANBU mask on his head. 

“Ah, so you told her finally.” Anko says opening a window and turning on a fan before joining them, “Did he tell you how I gave him his ANBU code name? That’s my favorite story and I literally can’t tell anyone!”

“What is your code name?” Kurenai asks sipping from her cup as Iruka and Anko light up. She’s used to smoke, dating Asuma, though he sticks to cigarettes.

Iruka reaches out with his chakra to check all his privacy wards are in place before pulling the ANBU mask over his face. 

“No fucking way.” Kurenai curses while Anko loses herself to a fit of giggles. 

“I thought the Black Widow was someone from Mist! They’re responsible for convincing all those Mist missing-nin to turn themselves over to the new Mizukage aren’t they? I heard they all got pardons.” 

“Officially, I was never there and that was not me. Unofficially, it was a gift from the Hokage to the Mizukage, I think they’re both hoping that with more females in power rational thought will return at the next Kage summit.” Iruka clarifies.

“He’s also responsible for all the intel we got on Kumo about those skirmishes along the border last summer.” Anko elaborates like a proud parent. 

“That intel saved my team’s life you know, and a few dozen others for sure! How’d you do it?” The red eyed woman inquires.

“Simple seduction mission, this one involved rapping though, that was new. I should also probably not go back to Kumo for a few years, or at least not without a good disguise…” Iruke trails off into awkward chuckles scratching at the scar across his nose. Reverting back to a tell like that meant the weed was finally kicking in. Pulling off his mask he sets it on the table, and stares at the red hourglass.  

“Earlier you said something about how you started your training young. Who decided that?” Kurenai asks.

“The previous Spider, she selected me out of all the other children in the village. I think in part because I was an orphan by that point and lacked a purpose. She gave me a family and a mission, and in return I was taught to take up her mantle.” Iruka pauses, not quite willing to give away Biwako-sensi’s secrets even after her death, “The training required for the type of shinobi that takes on the Spider mask, it warrants early intervention. Eventually I’ll have to choose someone to train to take after me once I’m ready to retire.”

“This is all so fucked up.” she whispers, mostly to herself. 

“A little bit, most of my ninjutsu training for Spider consisted of medical healing, and escape and diversion techniques. The genjutsu you taught me, it helped a lot. More than you know, I appreciate it, and whoever comes after me will as well.” Iruka repeats, Kurenai is a genjutsu master and as far as he’s concerned does not get the recognition she deserves, simply because she is able to incapacitate enemies without much of the showy jutsu others are used to. 

“But still 14, that’s way too early.” Kurenai remarks remembering their early conversation.

“Maybe for some, but it was a nice and enjoyable experience for me. I was warned that if losing my virginity was something I was concerned about to do it as early as possible with someone I trusted before I lost it on a mission gone south in order to escape or gain favor.” Iruka shrugs as if it were common sense.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Anko says speaking up, “he totally didn’t sleep with anyone for a mission until he was 15.” 

The fact that Anko is privy to this information and Iruka doesn’t care that she’s sharing it is a bit twisted, but Kurenai tries to keep up. The alcohol isn’t working like it should, so reaching out a hand she motions for Anko to share her joint. “I swear to God if either of you tell Asuma, I’ll kill you both in your sleep.”  Just because she put up with Asuma’s smoking didn’t mean she wanted to encourage it, and if he ever found out she had smoked herself, she’d never hear the end of it.  

Iruka and Anko laugh at her expense and the evening takes a more relaxed tone shortly after, despite the topic.

“Okay, so now that we’re all on the same page regarding Iruka’s super secret identity issues, anyone want to fill me in on why he was having a panic attack in the middle of the street earlier today?” asks Anko. 

“He was doing laundry.” Kurenai states a wicked grin on her face as Iruka begins to blush.

“Uh-huh, must have been some laundry.” Anko replies waiting for either of them to elaborate. 

“It wasn’t my laundry.”  Iruka mumbles resting his forehead on the table trying to hide his face in embarrassment. 

“Right, so you were doing laundry and realized you’ve gone domestic for two crazy jonin?” Anko extrapolates.  

“Some civilian thought I was freaking out about the blood on Kakashi’s uniform, and tried to console me by telling me to pre-soak the thing next time.” he groans into his arms not daring to look either woman in the face as they break out into giggles. 

“I would have paid good money to see that.” Anko says, “But really, why the freak out? Is it the idea of slowing down? The fact that it’s you know _them_?” 

“It’s that he’s worried they’ll find out who he is, which is stupid, because like you said, it’s _them._ If anything it’d bring them closer together. Shared life experience and everything.”  Kurenai says with a wave of her hand. Iruka has to admire her confidence because he is almost certain that is not how any conversation telling Kakashi or Yamato he’s the ANBU agent Black Widow would go. 

“You don’t understand.” Iruka tries to explain, “the second I stop being the Iruka they know, it’s going to fall apart. I’m going to have to lie to one of them soon and they’ll know I’m lying, and they won’t press me for information because I’ve never made them explain things they don’t want, but they’ll know, maybe not that I’m the Black Widow, but they’ll know I’m not who I tell them I am. I can’t put them back together when they realize I’m just as damaged as they are.”  

“Iruka!” Anko screams as if his words were a physical assault on her.

“It’s true. They love the idea of a cute academy teacher safe at home, never on dangerous missions for them to worry about, and always there to welcome them back. That’s my role, and I can play it but eventually they’ll notice something and the illusion will be broken and…” Iruka pauses trying to predict how they’ll react based on what he’s learned about the two, “they’ll be mad, they won’t trust me.” 

“That’s the stupidest thing you’ve said today. Why do you think that?” Kurenai asks.

“That’s how it always is, once they find out what kind of missions I take they either want me to stop, or they worry that I’m using them just like I play everyone else.”

“Kakashi and Yamato are not Mizuki.” Anko says softly trying to bring him down from whatever ledge he’s hanging around. 

“No they aren’t, Mizuki’s dead.” 

“I didn’t realize you and he were…” Kurenai says softly connecting the dots but not wanting to vocalize her conclusion.

“Yeah, some ninja I am huh? Always off catching spies and others in there lies, but I can’t even notice my own...that Mizuki had turned traitor.” 

“I never liked him,” Anko says, “Always too pushy with you, and I get it alright? It’s your life, but you have to be able to tell the difference right? That it’s different with Kakashi and Yamato then it was with him?”

“I can.” Iruka says, “And that just makes me more afraid.”

“Love can be a little frightening.” Kurenai offers diplomatically. 

Iruka lets out a slightly manic laugh, “Love? What am I 10? Love is for children. Who said anything about love, we don’t even talk about whatever sort of relationship we have. It’s easy not to break the rules when no one’s quite sure what any of them are.”  

Kurenai looks ready to argue, but Anko stops her with a look. 

“So set some rules.” Anko suggests.

“That’ll be the quickest way to get rid of them I suppose.” Iruka agrees, missing the point.

“Look, we’re just trying to help. As an outsider looking in I’m going to be honest, I think you’re sabotaging yourself.” Kurenai says a bit annoyed, as Anko elbows her.

Iruka takes her opinion into consideration before agreeing, “Maybe you’re right, but it’s only to protect myself. They’re sabotaging “us” just as much as I am.”  

“What do you mean?” 

“Kakashi and Yamato are in love with each other, have been for a while, but I don’t think they’ve ever admitted it to each other let alone themselves. I’m just a buffer, once they realize they don’t need me I’ll be gone.” Iruka says as if it’s obvious. 

“You just said you didn’t believe in love!” Kurenai huffs.

“I don’t, they do. At least despite what they say, they still do. I think the two of them would break out in hives if the word was uttered in front of them.” Iruka smiles fondly thinking of his boys. 

Iruka lets out a highly undignified shriek as he finds himself tackled to the ground and surrounded in another hug, “You got it bad, Iruka. I don’t care what you say. I can tell, and maybe you don’t believe in love because you don’t know what it feels like or whatever fucked up way of thinking you got going on in your head is keeping you from seeing it, but I’m not going to give up on you.” Kurenai says into his shoulder as he pats her back. 

Anko chuckles off to the side, “Who knew you were so cuddly when you’re inebriated? Is that why you and Asuma always duck out early at the bar.”  

“It’s the weed, I’m blaming both of you for being horrible influences.” She says blaming the other two. “One last question though,” Kurenai continues, “just because I’m a nosy good for nothing, who’d you lose your virginity to so I can beat them up?”

Anko snickers.

Iruka gets up from under Kurenai, hand rubbing the back of his neck as he tries to avoid looking her in the eyes, “Well you see, you don’t need to beat up anyone. It was a completely consensual and a nice experience if a bit awkward-” 

Kurenai raises an eyebrow, and it’s magical powers force non-sober Iruka to continue.

“I wanted it to be someone around my own age to keep it from being weird, and someone I was close to, but not exactly best friends with, and Mizuki and I weren’t a thing yet, and I was always hanging around the Sarutobi compound because the Third sort of took to looking after me, and-” 

Kurenai sits up mouth wide open in shock. “Oh my god.” 

“-he was so easy to practice flirting with back then because he was so full of himself-”

“Is this why he goes into an epileptic fit every time you call him nee-san?” Kurenai asks urgently. 

Iruka doesn’t answer her question, but his silence and blush are enough of one. He squints turning away waiting for the yell of outrage or some sort of reaction, instead he’s met with silence. Worried he chances a glance at Kurenai. 

Her shoulders are hunched over and shaking, he’s worried she might be crying, which is not a reaction he had accounted for, until she explodes into laughter joining Anko as they both roll around on the floor.

“That bastard! He never told me, oh my god, this is too perfect. How long do you think I can get away with torturing him before he catches on to the fact that I know?” 

Iruka sighs, reaching for Kurenai’s abandoned sake cup and finishing it off, “You both are horrible friends.” 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Two days later, Kurenai is in the mission room checking to see if there are any A or B ranks she can do to kill some time before Asuma returns home from his own mission. Out of the corner of her eye she spots a familiar shade of gray white hair and makes her way over.

Despite having been away on a mission for over a week, both Kakashi and Yamato appear lively. It takes seeing Iruka at his worst for her to realize how happy Kakashi and Yamato both appear to be, like they’ve used Iruka till there was nothing left and now he was empty. She recalls his words with more clarity from earlier that week. 

 _“They love the idea of a cute academy teacher safe at home, never on dangerous missions for them to worry about, and always there to welcome them back. That’s my role…”_  

She frowns and makes her way over as the two move to leave the room and manages to stop them just outside. 

“Hey boys, Is see your back from your mission finally. Excited to be home?” she asks. 

“Ma, of course.” the scarecrow replies, his omnipresent nonchalance intact. For some reason it annoys her now when it didn’t before.

“I’m sure Iruka will be excited to see you two, he’s had a rough couple of days.” She warns.

“Did the first years start kunai throwing while we were gone.” He teases with an eye smile, like it’s a joke. Kurenai knows it’s a lot for him, to acknowledge in not so many words the third of their triad, but it’s not enough. Not near enough now that she knows.

“... _safe...That’s my role…”_  

Kurenai glares at them both, Kakashi with his jokes, Yamato with his silence.

“You boys better take care of him.” she smirks turning to go back into the mission room having assessed them both and found them lacking, “or else Asuma and I are coming in for the steal.” she’s only half joking but they don’t need to know that. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Iruka is safe at home, finishing up dinner, and humming a tune to himself as he moves about the kitchen. He is happy, he knows that his boys are due home any day now. It’s not an exact window, but it gives him something to look forward to. He’s all caught up on his grading, and he did eventually manage to get to all the laundry without another panic attack. It’s even folded and placed in the appropriate drawers, his middle dresser drawer not dubbed “theirs” in his mind. 

That’s how Yamato finds him, the first to enter the apartment. Sneaking up behind him and grabbing a hold of him, Yamato kisses his neck as Iruka lets out a yell of surprise before turning around and smacking him across the arm.

“Don’t scare me like that!” he complains without venom as he turns around to kiss him properly.Looking over Yamato’s shoulder he spots Kakashi make his way in, the fact that he’s coming in through the door tips Iruka off that something is off. 

“Welcome home.” he greets with a smile, and he must have said something right the way the Kakashi’s face lights up. Reaching out with his arm he beckons the taller man over. Iruka has to stand on his tiptoes to reach Kakashi’s lips over Yamato’s shoulder.  

Iruka let’s out a laugh as Kakashi moves to monopolize him from Yamato. “None of that now,” the academy teacher reprimands, “sharing is caring and there is plenty of me to go around.”

“Nope,” Kakashi disagrees “He got first kiss so I get the longest. That’s how it works.”

Iruka gives in, the rumble of the chest he’s up against lets him know Yamato finds it just as amusing, “If those are the rules I’ll have to remember for next time.” 

Iruka’s breath hitches, next time. Talking about a future none of them can promise. It makes him want to hold on to right now a little harder. Yamato’s hands rest on his hips, as Iruka clings to Kakashi’s vest. He smiles but it’s forced, he’s always in the middle. It’s not normal, he’s on the clock biding his time, the second they realize they don’t need him…

“What’s wrong?” Yamato asks, Iruka cranes his neck back to stare up at the brunette.   

“Nothing.” he replies a little to quickly before catching his mistake, “I just, I didn’t realize I’d miss you guys as much as I did. It was the first time you were both gone at the same time and I worried…” The lie comes easy, most lies based on a truth do. So Iruka convinces himself it’s not a real lie.

“That’s not nothing.” Kakashi reassures, remembering Kurenai’s warning. 

Iruka slips out of their hold checking on the hot pot of simmering meat and vegetables before turning down the burner. 

“It is though, at least it’s something you two don’t need to worry about. I know you’re both capable shinobi, and I don’t want you distracted out in the field.” The words come easy to him and he bites his lip. It’s the truth, at least the one truth that he’s able to talk about with them right now. He doesn’t want to push too much. 

“You know we can’t promise to not be in danger,” Yamato says, choosing his words carefully, “but we promise to try our hardest to always come back home.”

The promise is a platitude, the words shouldn’t calm him as much as they do. Soft, he thinks. They need you to be soft to cushion the blows life throws at them. Digging deep he finds the strength to be what they need. A part of him might enjoy it, just a little. It doesn’t feel so much like pretending if it’s with them.  

“Promise?” he asks seeking the affirmation from Kakashi.

“Always.” He says pulling the chunin back closer to him. 

Iruka smiles again more genuinely. “That’s all I can ask for.” He returns the embrace before pushing him away. “Now go shower, you both smell like campfire and sweat and who knows what else. You’ll be more relaxed afterwards to.”

He ushers to two jonin back towards his room. Kakashi has the audacity to wiggle his eyebrow suggestively when Iruka orders him to strip. Iruka rolls his eyes but laughs as he shoves the jonin towards his shower, the sound for some reason makes both Yamato and Kakashi relax. 

As Kakashi showers Iruka moves about the room pulling clean clothes for him to change into. Satisfied with his work, he focuses his attention on Yamato who’s watching Iruka move about transfixed. 

Satisfied Iruka moves to Yamato who he starts helping out of his field armor and vest, “No injuries?” he asks moving his hands along the other man’s sides checking for any bruises or wounds. “I’m decent enough at medical nin-jutsu, you sort of have to be to teach at the academy, but if you have anything series you’re-”

He stops speaking as Yamato tilts Iruka’s head up from where he’d been staring at the other’s body appraising it for injuries. Iruka doesn’t avert his eyes from the intense gaze holding steady. That doesn’t stop his body from reacting of its own volition, his pupils dilate and his breaths become more shallow, he can feel his heart pound in his chest. 

“You-” begins Yamato before shaking his head unable to find the words.

“Me?” Iruka replies not quite sure what the other is trying to say.

Opting to forgo words, Yamato simply lowers his forehead resting it on Iruka’s, breathing in his scent, running his hands through the others hair as he removes the hair tie that had been holding it back. It’s an intimate gesture, one Iruka can find himself melting into. 

The moment’s interrupted when Kakshi walks out of the bathroom and throws the towel he’s dried his hair with at Yamato. “You’re turn.” he says as he watches them leaning against the door frame. The two jonin exchange an eye roll and shoulder bump as they switch rooms.

“I feel cheated, you didn’t help me out of my clothes.” Kakashi teases as he eyes the clothes laid out for him on the bed. 

“Then you’ll just have to let me help you into them.” Iruka chides like he’s bargaining with one of his students at the academy. 

Iruka lets out a yelp as he’s suddenly pulled up into the air and thrown onto his back on the bed. It’s a nice bed, a big bed, wide enough for the three of them to rest on comfortably.  

“I think I’d rather help you out of yours.” Kakashi says seductively causing Iruka to laugh again. He seems to be doing that a lot this evening.

“That’s a line straight out of Icha Icha. You can’t use those cheesy lines on me anymore now that I’ve read your source material.” 

“I don’t know,” Kakashi says reaching with his hand to lift up the other’s shirt, “If they work does it matter where I got them?”

Iruka jabs him in the side, eyes widening as Kakashi winces. “You’re hurt!”

Just as quickly as Iruka had been dropped onto the bed by Kaksahi, Iruka flips them over. As he straddles the other’s waist his hand glows with chakra as he checks the jonin over for injuries.

“You have a cracked rib you idiot! What if you made it worse by ignoring it and it broke and you punctured your lung in your sleep or-”

“No need to worry so much, I’ve had worse.” 

“That doesn’t make me feel better, like you think it does.” 

Instead of escalating the situation Kakashi chooses to watch as Iruka goes about healing him, “That’s some fancy work, I didn’t realize you had med-nin training.”

Iruka blushes, “You watch one nine year old accidentally stab a classmate and you start taking the first aid requirements for teachers at the academy as simply the preferred bare minimum requirement.” 

It’s not a lie, he rationalizes to himself. It’s the truth, just not the whole truth. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kakashi asks worried as he stares at Iruka.

“I said I was.”

“I know you said you were but that doesn’t mean you actually are.” 

“I’m not lying to you.” 

“I never said you were.” 

“So you think I’m lying to myself?” 

“Maybe. You seem...anxious. Something’s off.”

Iruka doesn’t reply unable to deny the accusation, and not wanting to argue. 

“We ran into Kurenai at the mission desk on our way in.”

“Oh?” Iruka replies not sure what the other is suggesting.

“She said you’ve had a rough few days.” 

Of course she’d tell them something was wrong, without saying something was wrong Iruka thinks, “She’s not wrong, but you’re both back now and-”

“‘Ruka,” Kakashi says, and Iruka’s heart stops at the pet name, “It’s okay not to be okay, or not know why you’re not okay.”  

Iruka’s not sure if he wants to laugh or cry, Kakashi thinks he has some form of depression. He’s getting a mental health check-in talk from Hatake Kakashi. Maybe he needs to work on his acting a bit more.

“She also warned me that if I don’t start taking care of you her and Asuma were going to steal you and I can’t have that.”

Iruka snorts, it’s not cute. Just a reaction from trying to hold in his laughter, “Of course she would, she’s mostly kidding.” 

“Mostly?”

“Mostly.”

“You know we can take care of you too, right?” Kakashi asks and Iruka stares down at him as if seeing him for the first time. 

He hadn’t expected that. He hadn’t expected Yamato to be the strong silent type and Kakashi to be the emotionally vulnerable one. It was throwing him off his game, and making him care more than he wanted to admit. His chest aches as he leans down to kiss the other. 

“I know, it’s just nice to hear it said out loud. I am getting better, you both being here is helping.” he replies barely believing himself when just a few days ago he was freaking out about even being in a relationship.

They sit in a comfortable silence as Iruka finishes working on Kakashi’s ribcage.

“Thank you.” Iruka says finding a quick moment of bravery. Kakashi stares at him like he doesn’t know what he’s being thanked for so Iruka clarifies, “You guys came here when you got home.” He traces his fingers down Kakashi’s side making sure there are no other injuries, “You could have gone anywhere but you came to me.” 

“You said welcome home.” Kakashi replies erasing all of Iruka’s self-doubt.

“I- I did.” 

“You meant it.” 

“I did.” 

They’re kissing again, someone is laughing in the background.

“Sensei when are you going to learn, once he’s got you on a bed it’s only a matter of time before he has his way with you.”

“Don’t listen to my evil Kohai and his lying lies. I only have pure intentions.”

“Oh really?” Yamato asks in disbelief towel wrapped around his waist.

Iruka’s brain short circuits well aware of how there are two practically naked men in his room while he’s fully clothed. 

Kakashi smiles cutely in a show of faux innocence, “As pure as forehead touches and eskimo kisses.”  

Iruka’s never seen Yamato turn that particular shade of red before, but he decides immediately that he likes the sight of it.

Cutting in before the two of them can start another argument Iruka asks, “If I say you’re both pretty will you promise not to fight?” Jumping off the bed he makes his way back towards the kitchen, “I expect you both to be fully clothed before I feed either of you!” he warns.

“We just went over this ‘Ruka, why would I put clothes on when you’re just going to take them off later.” Kakashi wines.

“If either of you have any energy after your stomachs are full for any sort of fooling around, and don’t immediately pass out, I’ll honestly be too surprised to argue about how you should be resting.”

They all do end up clothed and around the kitchen table eating dinner eventually. Iruka fills the two of them in on all the coming and goings of “Iruka’s Place for Disgruntled and Socially Inept Jonin” that they’ve missed out on, including his new friendship with Kurenai which neither jonin seems to be too keen on. Iruka finds their jealousy more of a turn on then he should. 

In the end, Iruka is right and both Kakashi and Yamato are worn out by the time dinner is over and well past ready for bed; but they both are stubborn enough to try and coax him into a quickie. It feels nice to be wanted and desired, so he gives in, letting both of them wind down and decompress while he does most of the work making sure to take care of them both.

It’s not wild or passionate like other times have been with either of them, it’s slow and sweet and more then he can process in the moment, but he falls asleep with the hope that maybe all his fears about their mixed up ridiculous relationship are unfounded and for the first time in a while he’s at peace. 

 

The next morning he wakes up to Anko at his door with a mission scroll in one hand and a cup of coffee for him in the other. She doesn’t need to say anything he already knows to slip into mission mode, but he doesn’t want to. All the happy emotions he felt the night before now weigh heavy in his stomach making him sick as the ground is pulled from beneath him. 

Worst of all, his storage scroll with his ANBU gear is tucked in the closet of his room where Kakashi and Yamato are both passed out. 

For the first time in his shinobi career he hesitates with following an order from the Hokage.

Is it cheating if it’s for the mission?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

**I will not ask you where you came from**

**I will not ask, and neither should you**

**Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips**

**We should just kiss like real people do**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look a wild update has appeared!
> 
> One point to make about this chapter, I kind of screwed up the timeline a bit? Sorry, but if the actual creator of the series messed up the timeline I think I can be forgiven for my silly fanfic doing the same thing. Iruka started training with Biwako-san around age 8, so either make Iruka younger in you mind to compensate for the age difference (which would put him in his early to mid 20s instead of his late 20s) or just ignore the tiny little glitch.


	4. Bad Guy - Billie Eilish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka goes on a mission and discovers some things about his family, things get a little complicated back home.

**I like it when you take control**

**Even if you know that you don't**

**Own me, I'll let you play the role**

**I'll be your animal**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

 

Iruka lets Anko in as he goes over the mission scroll. It doesn’t tell him more then he could have found out from a Bingo Book, but it does give him a location to start at and that’s all he needs.

The Hokage trusts that with Iruka’s training he can create his own backstory and persona to get the information she needs. He stares at the name in bold on the top of the page again and his heart constricts in his chest as he stares over to his room. The door is open and he can just make out the image of a shadowed silhouette laying on the bed.

Tapping onto his coffee cup he shares with Anko in code his biggest concern, _‘suicide mission’_

For her part Anko does not look happy with the mission either, but then she taps out her own reply on the counter top with her manicured nails, ‘ _Danzo’ ‘ROOT’_

The color drains from his face as he whispers, “How did he figure it out?”

Anko shrugs, “They’re both waiting for you in the Hokage’s office. I’ll let them know you’re on your way. Give you a chance to say good-bye.” She steals a sip of Iruka’s coffee before laying her hands on his shoulders and making sure he’s looking directly at her, “First I need to know if you got this? If I just tell them you’re not in any condition to-”

Iruka shakes his head in disagreement, “If I don’t take it who will? Some freshly minted jonin that thinks batting her eyelashes is enough to-”

“You’re not the only one who takes these types of missions.” Anko cuts in, her once quiet voice taking on more volume. In the distance they can hear a body shuffle around on the bed.

“But I’m the best.” Iruka says after a pause to make sure no one’s woken up. He’s not bragging, it just makes sense. If he thinks the mission he’s been assigned is a suicide mission to anyone else it’d be more than impossible. The Hokage must have faith he’ll succeed or she’d never agree to giving him the order. 

Anko accepts his answer and leaves, “I can get you 10 minutes before they start getting antsy. Make it quick.” she advises.

In the end, retrieving the scroll from his closet is easy, he just pretends to pack a separate mission pack before walking over to the bed. In all Iruka’s moving about Tenzou had started to stir, and his sleepy gaze watches Iruka as he wanders about collecting his things. Kakashi, who he’s sure is awake too, is doing a rather good impression of a dead man as he hogs most of the blankets. 

“You’re going to be late, the Academy starts soon doesn’t it? You shouldn’t let Kakashi’s bad habits rub off on you.” Yamato teases as he sits up.

“I’ll rub off on whoever I want.” comes a muffled reply into a pillow.

Iruka’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes as he tries to take as detailed a mental picture he can of the scene in front of him. He knows it’s the last time he’s going to see them for a while. Just this once, he’s jealous of Kakashi and his sharingan with it’s perfect recall. 

“Not going to the Academy today, they probably already got a substitute for my class. Anko just came by to let me know I have a mission.” 

That wakes both of them up instantly, “So that’s who dropped by. I never realised you took so many missions during the school year.” Kakashi says as he sits up and rubs the sleep from their eyes. 

“A couple isn’t a lot, and it’s actually been a few months since I had one. That’s not so unusual.” 

“What’s so important she needs to pull you from the Academy?” Yamato asks searching around for his shirt from last night.

“I suppose I’ll find out when I meet with Tsundae.”  Iruka says pretending to double check his pack, not wanting to look either of them in the eye, because there it is, the lie. The one he’d been putting off. It tastes like ash in his mouth.

“You usually do courier missions don’t you? I remember you mentioning your last mission was in the capital. Do you usually have a briefing before missions with the Hokage?”

Iruka nods his head, turning back to his boys. “She probably just wants me to know what I’m transporting so I can destroy it if I need to worst case scenario.” he says as a scowl makes its way onto his face, “What’s with the 20 questions? I never interrogate either of you when you leave.” 

The two jonin share a look, and Iruka knows what they’re thinking. Their missions as jonin are different. He counts it as a blessing, let them think he’s safe while he’s gone. Let them think he’s dashing around Fire Country with different treaties, waiting for new drafts and revisions to be made before returning home. 

“Look I’ve always had special clearance for administrative stuff since I was a genin, it’s the curse of being the Sandimine’s favorite I guess, and because of that Tsunade knows she can trust me with whatever information she has, who am I to say no?” He supplies hoping to calm them.

“We understand.” Tenzou says standing up to kiss him good-bye. “We just being selfish, we just got home and want you to ourselves. Just remember that promise to always try your hardest to come home works both ways, alright.”

“Of course it does.” Iruka promises meaning it more then any promise he’s ever made, the mission scroll from earlier weighs heavy in his bag.

He kisses Yamato once more for good measure before turning to the mess of bed head making a nest of their comforter. 

Staring down into mismatched eyes he leans in to give Kakashi an eskimo kiss, but gets pulled in for the real deal instead.

“Miss you already.” Iruka says.

“Fight strong.” Kakashi demands as he stares up at his chunin. 

Iruka grins despite the seriousness of the situation, he’s glad they at least won't be alone while he’s gone. 

“You two take care of each other, okay?” he requests eyeing both of them, and only making to leave after they both nod their head in acknowledgment.

With one last quick good-bye Iruka finds himself out the door and dashing towards the Hokage’s office.  When he arrives Anko is in the middle of an anecdote that seems to be trying both Tsunade-sama and the councilman’s patience.

“....and that’s how I convinced Ibiki that using scorpions was a valid interrogation technique.” she says with a dramatic flair, seeming to enjoy her audiences inability to escape. 

Iruka nods to her in thanks as she leaves the room, knowing Anko had only promised 10 minutes and he’d spent well over that getting here.

“Such tardiness,” Danzo comments from his chair hands resting on his cane, “one would hope such vices weren’t contagious.” 

Iruka schools his features, taking the remark as the offhand threat it is. He’s being watched, or at least Kakashi or Yamato are and he got caught in the crosshairs. 

“You know how life is, never enough time for good-byes.” he replies with mimicked nonchalance not bothering to hide what is obvious to the others in the room. Kakashi, Yamato, and he are not exactly hiding their relationship.

“I care little for your personal affairs, I’m just here to deliver a gift and make sure you’re actually who they claim you are, to think you were hiding as an Academy Instructor and ward to the Saratoubi? I did not believe Hiruzen was capable of such maneuvers, but I am glad to see in this one matter I was at least wrong.” 

Iruka tries not to read too much into the backhanded compliment or how Danzo appears to be a fan of his work. Tsunade looks ready to snap her desk in two out of sheer frustration, but thankfully it’s not directed at him. At the very least he knows he can count on her to be in his corner.

“I was unaware ANBU Spider’s identity was shared with anyone recently Hokage-sama.”  Iruka states.

“You really think you were good enough to avoid every Konoha guard in the capital on your last mission?” 

It’s a confession as much as it’s a question, Tsunade knows it too by the crinkling of her forehead. Which of the 12 Guardsmen is ROOT’s control?

“Due to the nature of his missions, Iruka enjoys his privacy. I trust you will agree, since I’ve allowed you in on this mission briefing as a favor, that discretion is the better part of valor.” Tsunade speaks up, and Iruka silently thanks her for her support.

“To be lectured by children in my old age,” Danzo replies haughtily, “I care little for who you are or who you pretend to be, I’m simply concerned about your wasted potential. The Hokage keeps you sidelined so long between missions, it seems a waste. Surely a weapon such as yourself can understand that? How many lives could you have saved this year if you had only been more active in the field? I suppose we’ll never know.”

“Iruka is a valued shinobi amongst the ranks, his moniker itself is a rumor people use as a cautionary tale. I’ve told you before, continued presence in the field for ANBU Spider would potentially compromise the value of his future missions if he is not allowed respite in between. It’s how we’ve always done things for ANBU Spider since Konoha’s founding.”

“Maybe, you are right.” Danzo concedes, “But you are not ANBU Spider anymore, are you boy? No you surpassed your previous teacher’s legacy years ago, you even renamed yourself, you’re the Black Widow with a near perfect mission record only to rival ANBU Inu.”

Whatever reaction Danzo is looking for he doesn’t get it, Iruka doesn’t work with other ANBU members or on a team, he cares little about the identities of the comrades he might run across in the field, just their competency.  

“If it’s all the same councilman, while I am aware of how valuable the information I gain from my missions are, the manner in which I go about them is unorthodox for most ANBU members. I am given parameters and a mission goal, any and all work I need to do to reach that goal within the parameters is permitted. I’m unable to plan out how I’ll attack certain targets until I’m able to appraise them in the field. It’s a taxing process, the reprieve I receive working as an instructor-” 

“I’ve already told you boy, I care little for your personal affairs. You think you can’t handle more missions because it’s how you were trained and what you’ve been told. I know better.” Danzo interrupts. “What does it matter, we shall save the argument for another date. I am here to present you some personal effects of your parents from when they surrendered to Konoha seeking asylum. I believe they may be beneficial and useful for your current mission.”

Iruka forgets to breathe. He lost his parents when he was still so young that his memories of them have faded with time, and with the fire and destruction from the Kyuubi attack he has little to remember them by. He turns to Tsunade who nods her head, eyes softening slightly just for him as she reaches over and places a wooden box on her desk.  

Lifting the lid of the box he finds a couple sealed scrolls, and an old mist headband with a slash across it.

“Given the contents of the box, I’m hoping that with whatever information you get for us about Kiri you might also learn a bit about why your parents ran away in the first place.” Tsunade orders, “the official paperwork claimed they were running from the bloodline purges happening at the time, with a powerful bloodline Konoha would only be too happy to take them in after they proved their loyalty. While your parents were loyal to Konoha in exchange for asylum, their official records are fairly sparse. They trusted Konoha as much as we trusted them. ” 

Iruka’s heart skips a beat. He didn’t know he had any sort of kekkei genkai, never experienced any incident during training that would even allude to it. 

“The information about Kiri that you want?” he asks every professional, “the mission scroll only gave me a name.” 

Hoshigake Kisame. 

There was a lot contained in that name, most of it dangerous. He wouldn’t win in a fight, if he was caught his chance of escape was minimal. Missions like these usually warranted going undercover as a civilian, but that had its own issues. You were essentially left defenseless the whole time.

“Any and all information you can get on how to infiltrate and destroy Kiri, should we ever find ourselves in need of it.” Danzo specifies. “They seem to have gained a number of powerful shinobi back into their forces with their new Hokage. It’s an imbalance we can not leave unchecked.” 

Iruka understands, Tsunade might be willing to try and work with the new Mizukage but that didn’t mean her council was. He hated politics. 

“Any information you can gather on Akatsuki will also obviously be greatly appreciated.” Reaching into her desk Tsunade pulls out a seal on a small piece of paper. “It’s not much, but due to the nature of your mission, and it’s high profile target I wanted you to be able to contact me in case your in need of an extraction. The seal will alert me to your exact location at the time of its activation.”

Iruka accepts the paper, “Thank you. I hope it won’t come to that, but it’s reassuring.” 

“Do you have a preference on who should lead the extraction if they are available from among your fellow ANBU?” Danzo asks, the question taking both Tsunade and Iruka by surprise.

He wants to reply that he doesn’t, but remembers Neko-san and how they met a few months ago. They got along well enough during their short encounter.  

“Neko-san.” he says voice steady. This is apparently an unacceptable answer, as Danzo stares at him suspiciously. 

“Any reason why?” Tsunade asks now curious, eyebrow raised in question.

Iruka feels like he’s missing an important piece of the conversation, “I ran into him before on my way home, played a nice game of tag.” he replies hoping the truth sound enough like a lie they won’t dig to deep into it, the request had honestly been on a whim. “I know Anko isn’t in ANBU but she if she is available and I’m in a situation that would require extraction, I’d appreciate her being on hand if she is available as well.” 

Tsunade nods in affirmatively, “I’ll see what I can do.” 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

It takes Iruka two days to reach the small border village with Amegakure, and one to find a job working at the only Inn in town, it doesn’t pay much but it comes with room and board included. He makes friends with everyone, always sure to be a smiling face and a helping hand with yard work or baby-sitting. Let it never be said D-ranks weren’t beneficial to a shinobi’s skill set. 

\---

After two weeks Iruka has his first run in with Akatsuki, confirming the information he received about the location, probably from Jiraiya straight to Tsunade, is accurate. The entire village respects the wandering shinobi, but from a distance.

Uchiha Itachi and Kisame stop by the inn for a quick dinner before heading back on the road and poor Iruka, the newest hire, has been tasked with serving them. He remains friendly and calm the whole time, a civilian would have no reason to fear the two if they even knew who they were. 

As he sets their orders down he tries to get a good look at the man he’s attempting to get closer to. He remembers Biwako-sensei’s lessons. When first picking out a mark find something about them you find attractive and fixate on it, it’ll make responses and interactions easier to believe. 

Kisame is large and strong. Iruka’s never had a size-kink in his life but as many times as Yamato has used his strength to shove him up against a wall and have his way with him it’s the easiest and first connection he makes, and it works if his following impersonation of a school girl Hinata is anything to go by.  The feral grin he gets in return is a step in the right direction at least.

Even Itachi gets a laugh at Iruka’s expense, though it’s more of a smirk, which is probably the Uchiha equivalent.

The inn’s owner, Etsuji-san, is old and well into his retirement years but still working; he’s also one of the few in town brave enough to treat the strange foregin ninja just like they’re regular customers. On their way out he teases Kisame about being nice to Iruka-kun who’s been nothing but a good boy since he was hired. 

\---

Iruka had been worried, after that first encounter, that Itachi would recognize him and blow his cover, but he doesn’t. Iruka was a few years older, and they ran in different circles. Iruka’s also certain after his initial run in with the Uchiha that his eyesight is beginning to fail, what with how long it takes him to read things. 

It helps in Iruka’s opinion that he’s a fairly average plain looking person and easily forgettable.

\---

The next time Iruka meets Kisame he’s being assaulted. It happens more often on missions then he’s willing to admit. When you spend your time trying to be open and friendly and coy you attract attention from unintended targets. Normally he’d just defend himself or cast a genjutsu and be done with it, but he can’t do that and keep up the appearance of a civilian.

He is hardly defenseless though, and while he won’t allow himself to carry shinobi weapons while posing as a civilian he carries around a kitchen knife from the inn, aware of the leers and groping and what they mean. The man’s unwanted advances the past week were easy enough to brush off in public at work, but in a back alley words like ‘no’, ‘stop’, and ‘don’t touch me ‘ carry less power. When the strangers hands reach to untie his yukata he slips the knife into his hand and attacks. 

He doesn’t regret gutting the man, but it is an unnecessary death. He tries to reassure himself and rationalize his decision by arguing that if he hadn’t of done it his assailant probably would have tried it with some other person and been more successful. 

When he spots the two Akatsuki members at the end of the alley, obviously drawn to the commotion, the surprise and fear at being caught with a bloody knife next to a dead body are real, but he’s quick to realize his opportunity and starts crying. He’s an ugly blubbering mess talking about “Not again”, and “I said stop”, in between guiltily apologizing. His disheveled appearance only helping make his story more believable.

Itachi ends up taking care of the body for him, and Kisame escorts him back to the inn hoisting him up in his arms when Iruka’s legs fail him in his ‘shock’. Kisame receives more than a few suspicious looks from the workers and regulars at the inn when he walks in with a hyperventilating Iruka, but when Iruka refuses to let go they ease up. 

“I told him not to go wandering off on his own at night.” Etsuji-san says prying Iruka from the missing-nin’s arms.

The meekest “Thank you Kisame-san” leaves Iruka like an airy breath.

The hand on his head is warm as he looks up at the monster of a blue man, “Try and stay out of trouble, yeah? At least until I’m back in town and can take care of it for you.”

Iruka smiles knowing that extracting one promise at a time is how you gain trust, and so ANBU Spider begins spinning his web.

\---

A few days later Kisame comes by again and he’s by himself. Iruka waits on him all day, cheerfully sharing stories about the twins he’s been babysitting for the local widow so she can try to find work, her husband had been a casualty of a bandit raid on the road during his travels as a mercantilist. The bandits having taken advantage of the  instability in the region as result of frequent border skirmishes.

To his surprise Kisame is equally as social, and quick to joke along with him and share his own stories. He even talks about his sword as if it has its own personality.

As the evening winds down, and the patrons turn to drinking, talk drifts to politics and war. Iruka does his best to ignore it and steer the conversation to different topics. 

“Don’t care much for current events?” Kisame asks catching on.

“No, not really. Not when it’s all so stupid. People fighting and killing for money and power being told it’s to protect their loved ones. It all just seems so pointless.” he says helplessly, “the rest of us nobodies are just hoping to survive and waiting for the dust to settle for a few more years of peace.” 

“That sounds like a pretty strong opinion to me.”

“What opinion? What does a voice matter when it can say no I don’t want this and it happens anyway? Though I suppose I’m a bit of a hypocrite to advocate non-violence now, of all things…” Iruka says as his voice trails off.

Large hands pull him over, till he’s all but resting in the other man’s lap, his face is tilted back as Kisame stares into his eyes, “You haven’t been getting a lot of sleep have you?”

Iruka hasn’t, mostly because he misses Kakashi and Yamato, but he lets the missing-nin form his own opinion about the bags under his eyes. As he’s let go and gently placed back on the ground Kisame speaks again.

“I’ve seen a lot of men die for stupid reasons. I’ve killed men for petty reasons of my own, but if anyone ever tries to touch you again you gauge their eyes out with your nails if you have to, anything to get them to stop. Never apologize or feel guilty about self-defense.” 

Iruka imitates the wide teary eyes of recent academy graduates that have completed their first C-rank and likely first kill, and nods his head  as he grabs onto Kisame’s cloak, “Could you, would you stay the night?” He scratches at his scar as if to banish the blush he wills up. 

“I-I don’t mean, that is to say it’s just, the shadows. They move and I scare myself and...and…”

“Of course, the shadows. Someone’s got to keep an eye on them.”

Iruka falls asleep that night in another man’s arms, being gently coaxed to sleep by kisses and touches like waves that pull him in and push him under. 

He feels guilty, but he just represses it to deal with later.

\---

The visits become more frequent after that. Sometimes they’ll just walk around town talking or hang out near the lake, but mostly they stay confined to Iruka’s room, where kissing leads to touching and touching leads to sex.

He’s a horrible person for enjoying it as much as he does, so he tries to encourage Kisame to be as rough with him as possible.

“You don’t know what your asking for. I’ll hurt you.”

“It’ll be a good hurt.”

\---

It doesn’t take long for Iruka to make his move after that.

“Kisame,” he asks one night curled up in the other’s arms, “How did you escape Kiri?”

The intentionally weird phrasing does it’s trick and makes the shark toothed man laugh, “There was no escaping, I just left and no one could stop me.”

“Yeah?” Iruka says feigning surprise as his hands trace Kisame’s muscles.

“In Kiri they have, or rather had, the 7 Swordsmen, and I was one of them. We were in charge of some important things, but mostly we just liked fighting.”

“Like what sort of things?” he asks hands trailing lower below Kisame’s waist.

It only takes a few more nights after that to get all the information Tsunade and Danzo asked for.

\---

They’re lounging about by the lake one afternoon when Iruka asks, “The slash on your hitai-ate, that means you ran away, not that you were thrown out right?”

Kisame’s grin is wicked, “You don’t get thrown out of ninja villages, you get executed. The slash means I haven’t been caught by hunter-nin and killed yet.”

“But you left honorably right? That’s what you said before. That things were bad, and friends were killing friends and it was wrong.”

“That’s what tends to happen during a civil war, but there ain’t anything honorable about me.”

“You left, you didn’t keep fighting for them! You laid down your sword! I think that’s brave.” 

“What’s with all this interest in Kiri?” 

“I’ve never been, or I guess I just don’t remember it, but I think it’s where I was born.”

“What are you talking about?” Kisame asks suspiciously.

Iruka reaches into his pack to pull out his mother’s hitai-ate, before he’s able to show it to Kisame though he’s thrown on his back and restrained,  blade at his throat. _This is how I die,_ Iruka thinks _asking the wrong question at the wrong time_. 

“It’s-it’s my mom’s.” he says between tears, “It’s all I have left.”

“Don’t lie to me!” Kisame screams, “Who sent you? Was it Mei? Who do you work for?”

“No, I swear!” he screams voice hoarse. He pulls his chakra in, suppressing it even further then he was originally. He can not hope to fight and escape this encounter, he will keep his cover till he dies. “I’ve just never had anyone to ask that would know! You don’t have to, I promise I won’t ask again.”

The blade hovering above him for his execution shivers and hums, as if insulted, before going still. It can’t feel his chakra so it doesn’t sense a fight. It’s enough proof for Kisame to release his hold. Instead of running away Iruks curls into his assailant crying and apologizing.

“Shit, Iruka I’m sorry. I just can’t live the life I do and not always be paranoid.” Kisame reaches for the old worn Mist headband and runs his fingers over the marks. Kissing the crown of Iruka’s head, he waits for him to calm down before asking, “What’s your name kid? Your full name. Orphans don’t usually have them, but you obviously remember yours.” 

Wiping his nose on the sleeve of his yukata he answers, “U-Umino. Umino Iruka.”

The hitch in Kisame’s breath and the look in his eyes make Iruka apprehensive. He doesn’t know how he feels about someone knowing something about him that he doesn’t. He’s not used to this game being played the other way. 

“You don’t even know what that name means do you?”

\---

The next day when Kisame plans to show Iruka how to open the scrolls and Iruka shares his parents names they learn that his mother had been Kisame’s old genin sensei, if only briefly before he was taken in by the Swordsmen. 

“It was a pretty big deal for me at the time.” Kisame explained, “the Umino were one of the oldest clans in Kiri, along with the Hoshigaki, and they were known for their skill in kenjutsu, getting any of them as a sensei was seen as the first step to becoming one of the 7 Ninja Swordsmen. She used to enjoy watching us beat each other up during sparring practice and yelled out all the mistakes we were making as me made them.”  The memory must be fond to him because his eyes glaze over as it’s recalled. “The Umino never became one the Swordmen themselves, they preferred their own blades too much.”  

“They were weapons makers?” he asks curious and hanging on the others every word.

“Of a fashion.” Kisame smirks, “Come here.” he orders as he makes his way down waist deep into the lake.

“What are you doing?” Iruka questions as he follows, wading through the water.

“These are ceremonial scrolls. They’re given to kids at coming of age ceremonies in clans, there’s usually some shrine involved and water. That’s why the scrolls have to be opened under water the first time, there's a special seal that keeps the paper from disintegrating.”

“Like a baptism?”

“More like your parents try and drown you and if you survive you’re worthy of knowing clan secrets. At least that’s how it was for me, every clan and family is different.” 

Kisame uses his own chakra to open the scrolls, Iruka as a civilian obviously unable to. He stares at his parents writing below the surface in awe and wonder. He wants to spend hours learning about the Water Sword technique outlined, and thinks of Yugao who would kill to study the kenjutsu style described in detail.

It’s the second scroll that surprises him the most though. “Two Spirit?” he asks as he tries to read as much as possible as quickly as he can.

“Yeah, I’m probably the worst person to try and describe this. Your Mom was a badass, but your Dad, he was gorgeous. We called them Shorebirds in Kiri, ninja who would leave and come back with the news of when it was safe to travel, and what each village was up to. They were kind of like the ninja version of civilian geisha...but not, gender identity was sort of secondary to being Two Spirit. Not all Shorebirds were Two Spirit but if you were a Two Spirit you probably were a Shorebird.” He says with a crooked grin and a shrug. 

Iruka wonders if Biwako-sensi knew this, or if it was something in him she recognized and trained. He feels in the moment closer to his Father then he ever has before.

He distantly has memories of his Father wearing jewelry and arranging flowers, always with a sad smile as if he was repressing something due to being in a strange and different village.  _“Your father just likes pretty things.”_ His Mom would tease when he asked, _“Like your Okaasan.”_ was always his Father’s reply. 

“Shorebirds were always fought over for the right to marry when they retired. The number of people that died for the chance to be with them was even a bragging right, and now I’ve got my very own Birdie.”

Iruka shakes his head disagreeing as Kisame places his arms around him from behind. “I don’t know about Water Swords or Shorebirds, I’d have been a horrible ninja since I hate fighting, but Kisame-san I’ll be whoever you want me to.”

Iruka can feel the other man’s smile on the back of his neck, “Spoken just like a real Shorebird. You don’t have to fight. I’ll fight for you.”

The vow shouldn’t send a shiver down his back, but it does.

\---

There’s a 10 day break in their routine where Iruka worries he’s been found out. He contemplates cutting his losses and heading home, the main objective had been gathering Kiri intel, and he’s completed that portion of the mission. As much as he’d like to stay around to hear more stories about his parents or pick some whispers on Akatsuki  it might be too risky, but then Kisame shows up with Itachi looking exhausted. Iruka takes care of them both, but while Itachi gets his own room for the night Kisame follows him back to his. 

“Missed you.”  Iruka says with a chaste kiss helping him out of his clothes to get ready for bed. 

Strong arms encircle him, trapping him in their hold like a net cast into the water. It takes a moment for Kisame to find the words, “I missed you too. God help me, I did.” He stares at Iruka like he’s a treasured prize dressed in the pink and green kofurisode he’d gifted him. 

“Sit down, take a deep breath, you’re far too tense.”  He says, guiding the other to the bed where he slips behind Kisame and starts rubbing his shoulders. 

“I just spent a week chasing a blonde teenage brat across Fire Country on orders, only to be told to give up, that he wasn’t a priority anymore. He has to be the last one.”

It’s a credit to Iruka’s training that the off hand mention of Naruto doesn’t take him by surprise. Iruka listens, he doesn’t ask questions, he doesn’t press for clarification about anything Kisame says that night and just offers a sympathetic ear, but he remembers it all and tries to forget that the man he’s sleeping with is tasked with killing the only family he has left.

As Kisame falls asleep Iruka stays up, daydreams about all the ways he could kill him. It would be easy, he could poison him or slit his throat in the middle of the night. Assasination wasn’t in the mission parameters though, and if he killed Kisame now he might lose a valuable asset in the future, not to mention Itachi would hunt him down before he could reach Konoha and kill him; but Naruto would be safer, even if just a bit. 

Iruka sighs as he sinks further into Kisame’s hold, he might think of all the ways he could kill someone like Kisame but he knows he would never be able to follow through with it. He can’t hurt this man who’s helped him so much, and loved him so fiercely. 

It’s time to leave. He should have never used his real name while undercover.

\---

Iruka is working when he hears the news, there’s going to be an investigation into the recent missing person report for the civilian Iruka murdered. A shinobi team has been called in to handle it and they’ll be there by the end of the day. He’s not worried about getting caught, but it’s a very convient out he’d be stupid not to use.  

Iruka rushes to his room after his shift, Kisame just waking up, and starts throwing things into his pack. 

“What’s the rush Birdie?”

“I have to leave.” he gasps out in a panic as he drops his bag rushing into Kisame’s arms.

“Why? What’s going on?”

Iruka explains about the team hired to investigate the murder he commited. How he has to flee. That if Konoha-nin start to appear in the village more frequently they won’t get to see each other anymore because Kisame will never be around.

“I’ll kill them all for you” 

“I won’t let you, you deserve better than that.”

Kisame kisses him, and it’s hungry and desperate so Iruka gives all that he has left, all that he can spare to give that isn’t reserved for his boys back home.

“Where will you go?”

“Towards the water, I think I’ve spent enough time running from it I deserve the trip.” Not a lie, heading back home towards Konoha is towards the water. Iruka’s not sure when he started caring about lying to Kisame. “I’ll get a shack by the sea and live with all the other Shorebirds. You’ll come find me when you’re done won’t you? When you find your peace?”

Iruka’s never seen Kisame cry before, he wonders if it’s salt water like the ocean to match the color of his skin.

An hour later Itachi finds Kisame in Iruka’s room staring up at the ceiling, shoulders sagged in defeat.

“You were right.” Kisame concedes.

“If it makes you feel better, I believe he forgot himself just as much as you did.”  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Once he’s away from the small village Iruka makes a mad dash for Konoha taking to the trees in his haste. Now that he’s managed to complete his mission and stay alive he just wants to be home. He wants to be surrounded by his friends and safe in the arms of some he trusts as he drinks himself silly to forget everything he allowed his body to do to complete said mission.

After a couple hours at his fast pace, Iruka picks up on a chakra signature following him. He doesn’t have time to question who before he’s attacked and flung across a field with a well placed kick. He takes a moment to curse himself for not switching into his ANBU gear immediately after leaving the village, as he’s still in his civilian clothes, but he was more concerned with getting away then a tactical retreat. 

Turning to his opponent his voice rises in accusation as he spots Kisame’s partner. “You knew!”

“Of course I knew, you’re a very hard person to forget Iruka.” Itachi replies.

He flares his chakra in code, a last ditch effort to find some back-up in the area and activates his seal. If nothing else they might be able to return his body. 

“But we never talked, at most we were in the same class at the Academy for a few weeks before you advanced.”

“Is it not logical for one prodigy to notice another?”

Iruka wants to argue that he’s no prodigy, but he knows it’s the wrong line of questioning to pursue, “How could you tell?”

“You weren’t as well trained then as you are now. You tried to act like you were behind in your studies, but you knew the correct answers and moves to mess up in order to do so, it was like you moved with practiced rehearsal.” 

“If you knew, why didn’t you say anything?”

“You weren’t interested in anything regarding Akatsuki, your focus seemed to be on Kiri and your own family history. I have no issues with this, I have no loyalty to Kiri, and you made Kisame...happy. I don’t care for such sentiment but he does.” It seems like a fair trade, he learns what he needs, Akatsuki now knows Konoha and Kiri might not be on the best of terms, “In any case I didn’t have to say anything, Kisame always had his suspicions, you’ve only just confirmed them by leaving. I should commend you, your very good at what you do.”

Iruka’s not sure what to make of any what Itachi says, but mostly he’s hung up on that fact that if Kisame wasn’t sure he could trust Iruka why had he been so open and receptive.

“If you come searching for him again I’ll kill you.” 

“I’ll take it under advisement.” 

A flair of chakra in the distance alerts him to the fact that a team of shinobi are approaching in reply to his earlier distress signal. It feels like a fucking miracle.

Iruka reaches into his pack, hurriedly searching for his ANBU mask and cloak, there’s no time to change into his uniform. 

“Such a ridiculous secret to worry over, an identity.” 

“Yes, because everyone knowing who you were and what you were capable of worked out so well for your family.” Iruka snaps, and regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth.

Itachi’s eyes flash red, Iruka doesn’t have time to look away. “You toyed with my partner for weeks, now I think I’ll do the same to you.” 

It hurts. All he knows is pain, repeated like clockwork. He stops screaming only because he loses his voice. He feels like he’s going to die. He knows he won’t, but his mind doesn’t seem to believe him. He thinks of Yamato and how he promised to come home, of Kakashi and his words of encouragement before he left, and he just wants to be in Konoha. He wants to be home surrounded by the two of them and safe. Safe, if he wants to be so, maybe worrying about how Kakashi and Yamato liked to think of him that way wasn’t such a big deal after all. He cries, and for the first time in weeks his tears are real. 

 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

 

**So you're a tough guy**

**Like it really rough guy**

**Just can't get enough guy**

**Chest always so puffed guy**

**I'm that bad type**

**Make your mama sad type**

**Make your girlfriend mad tight**

**Might seduce your dad type**

**I'm the bad guy, duh.**

 

**~~~~~~~~~~DRAMATIC OMAKE NO JUTSU~~~~~~~**

 

“Look you brat!” Tsunade yells at Kakashi, “This is the 10th time you’ve visited me demanding to know about Iruka’s mission, and nothing has changed. I can’t tell you shit, and until your the person sitting behind this desk dealing with all this paperwork you don’t get to know either.” 

“It’s been eight weeks! Can you at least let me know if he’s safe!”

“No I can’t.” she says her voice unwavering.

“I know that both you and Danzo know what’s going on and he’s pulling strings and using Iruka to get Tenzo to do what he wants, and you’re not doing anything.” 

“Yamato has not been on any mission since I’ve been Hokage that I did not approve of, and I don’t take kindly to the accusations you’re throwing around.” 

“He made him quit ANBU!”

“He was already on his way to leaving, had one foot out the door. Just let Danzo think he won that one and focus on why.”

“You sent a chunin on a mission he wasn’t prepared for! Just because we’re short handed doesn’t mean you can-”

“If your so worried about not having enough bodies for missions maybe you should do us all a favor and go pick one up at the mission desk. It’s been three  weeks since you’ve been on active duty, and I’m trying to be understanding but if you make me order you to take a mission-”

“I’m not leaving again until I know he’s back and safe.” 

A voice interrupts them as uneven steps shuffle across the Hokage’s office, “You’ll be pleased to know then that Iruka is back and in the Hospital.”

Tsunade frowns at Danzo, “Why wasn’t I told immediately.” 

“I’m telling you now aren’t I?” 

Tsunade jumps from behind her desk making her way to the hospital in a hurry, Kakashi makes to follow her but is stopped as Danzo holds out a hand, “You remember our deal don’t you? It would be most unfortunate if something were to go wrong on one of his courier missions again. I hear prolonged torture is a horrible way to go, the fortunate few are able to kill themselves before it becomes to unbearable or they break. " 

Kakashi tries to focus, but all he can think about is how Iruka is hurt and he can’t do anything about it, “You have to leave Tenzo alone too, you can’t just-”

“I have no need for a compromised agent like Kinoe any longer.”

Kakashi has yet to figure out Danzo’s angle, but if it kept Iruka safe and Tenzo out of his clutches he’d comply with the councilman’s demands until he reached a point where he was able to protect them both on his own. As far as Kakashi was concerned whatever Danzo had over on Tsunade made her useless to help him.

\---

As Kakashi leaves them Danzo turns to the shadows. "Were you able to keep the Black Widow's identity from Neko while on the retrieval mission?"

As if beckoned by some indoor wind, the flutter of a black cloak becomes visible and and an otter mask replies, "Hai." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll go on to explain more about it in future chapters but to clarify Two Spirit is identifying as agender, genderqueer, androgynous and any other number of identities that are not binary, like male or female. Gender identity has nothing to do with sexual identity. 
> 
> I enjoyed writing Iruka and Kisame's interactions a lot more then I thought I would. Rest assured the main pairing of this story will be Iruka/Kakashi/Yamato. Iruka isn't in love with Kisame, but he did help Iruka discover some important things about himself, it makes things blurry. Iruka's about to have identity issues, if only there was someone close to him who's had the same problem...like someone who has three different names being used by three different people in the same conversation and they all know who each other are talking about...
> 
> Pretty sure Tsunade's about to throw all three in a supply closet somewhere so they can figure their shit out without involving her.


End file.
